Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dear Baby...

Dear Baby,

This week marks the week that I am “full term,” which means you could come any day now and we shouldn’t be surprised. It also means you could wait a whole month to come out, if you’re cozy in there.

We are so excited to meet you. I am excited to look into your eyes for the first time, to hold your little body, to feel your warm breath. I imagine meeting you will be like meeting someone I already know. Impossibly true. You are a part of me and a part of my best friend – how could I know already know you?

We’ll try to be the best parents we can be – making decisions as best we can to help you become a happy, healthy boy. We’ll protect you from harm and teach you to care for others. I hope you’ll be like your dad in that way – so many men feel they need to be ‘tough’ or ‘macho,’ and don’t feel comfortable being sensitive or compassionate. You can be caring, sweet, and loving and still be a very strong man. You’re lucky to have such a great role model in your dad.

No matter what your talents are, we will love you. Whether you’re fabulous at sports or music or school or burping, we’ll be proud. (But I sort of hope it’s not the burping thing.) I hope you know you don’t have to be the most popular or the strongest or cutest to be valuable to us. (Though you definitely will be the cutest. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom.) We'll love you for who you are.

I can’t believe it’s almost time to meet you. To be honest, I don’t feel quite ready to be a parent, to take care of an infant 24/7, to have such a Big Responsibility. But I know that once you arrive, it will all click into place. That we will experience such overwhelming love for you that losing sleep and worrying too much and complete exhaustion will be little sacrifice for your mere presence.

I hope that you’ll trust me. I hope that you’ll talk to me and tell me about your days, even as you get older. (Seriously. Be an awesome teenage boy that talks to your mom. Please?) I hope that you know how much we love you, no matter what. I hope you dream big and know you are capable of doing whatever your heart desires. I hope you are confident in yourself and know how wonderful you are.

Your dad and I talk about you all the time. We imagine you laying on the floor while we play Scrabble, we imagine you sleeping in your co-sleeper when we go to bed, we imagine giving your little body a bath. We talk about what kind of parents we want to be, because we already love you so much we want to be the best parents we possibly can. We talk about what our days will be like once you arrive, and how we'll manage to still visit a coffee shop with an infant. (We hope you'll be a sweet, calm little boy and take lots of naps. But the insane amount of head-butting, kicking, and crazy dancing you're doing right now makes me worry you'll be a wild little baby.)

Your dad talks to you all the time. He tells you how much he loves you and he asks you to kindly stop chopping up my insides. I think you know it's him, because you stop moving and just listen to his voice. I wonder if his voice calms you down. You'll really like your dad - he's the fun one. He'll play you songs on his guitar and read stories to you in the voices of the characters. He'll make you laugh and take you to games. He wants to be a good dad. You're a lucky boy.

We love you so much, baby boy. We'll see you soon!

Mama Bear

[First letter found here.]
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