Wednesday, January 19, 2011

So Many Doors.

Persistence is not about knocking on one door until the dang thing finally opens.

It's about knocking on all of them.


I have written about my vocational path about eleventy billion other times. Brief history: lots of turmoil and confusion. I've wondered whether a full-time job is slavery, like the homeless man's van claimed. I've announced I wanted to be a freelance graphic designer Then freaked out and worried I couldn't do it. I dreamed of a life where I could balance work and kids. And got mad when that wasn't my reality. I found a decently paying salaried job that I adored and figured I could be flexible with my hopes of working for myself. I felt the need to validate my choices. And, recently, I left that wonderful job to stay-at-home with Gabe and work part-time at Starbucks.

When asked what my future plans were for a post-volunteer questionnaire a few years ago,  I replied:
"I have too many career goals for one lifetime - including freelance graphic designer, independent craft artist, campus minister/exploring social justice with students, teaching computer technology and graphic design at a high school, opening a coffee shop, and being a mother. Only slightly ambitious."
(Eh, I work at a coffee shop now, so I'm going to count that. I wouldn't actually want to run one. What was I thinking?)

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a Jill of all trades, master of none. I have so many interests. So many passions. SO many hobbies. I design blogs. I sell things in my Etsy shop. I photograph like crazy. I dream of writing a blog column (for pay! fancy that!). I worry that I need to narrow my focus; that I will never achieve much in any of these areas until I decide just which of my many interests I want to pursue with the dedication I know I posses. I know I will be successful. I know I will be awesome. I know I can do it.

For now, though, I'm not sure exactly what it is. Along with starting The Joy Equation next month, I'm going to continue running like crazy in many directions. I adore sewing. I find my bliss in layout and design. I am elated when I capture an image that portrays beauty. I live for connecting to others through writing. And, so; I will continue to sew. I will continue to design. I will continue to write. And, next week, I have an interview as an assistant wedding photographer. It'd be a huge leap, to be sure, so I don't have my hopes too high. I imagine how much I'd learn. How it might start my own career as a photographer...

I'm getting ahead of myself.

But a girl can dream, right?
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