Answering Questions: Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Mama Edition.

What the biggest challenge you have faced in becoming a mama?

Probably the whole job thing - realizing I couldn't do it and having to quit during maternity leave. That was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had to have. I adored my job and co-workers, and hated to surprise them like that. I know it was the right thing to do, but it was so difficult, especially since I'm a people pleaser.

What are your favorite must-have baby products you have purchased? Any brands/items that you swear by, or are worth the money?!

I haven't actually had to purchase many things myself (thank goodness for hand-me-downs and gifts!) But our favorites are: cloth diapers, Carters and BabyGap clothes, baby wearing devices, SwaddleMe swaddles, a Medela double electric breast pump, and the Arm's Reach mini co-sleeper. 

I've written about cloth diapers before - we use mostly FuzziBunz and prefolds with covers now. I absolutely love prefolds - thanks to a reader who suggested I try them. I get a weird enjoyment in changing the prefolds.

Carters and BabyGap make the cutest baby clothes. Gabe has more clothes than he knows what to do with (I do his laundry every two weeks and his closet is still full), but if I were in the market to buy baby clothes? I'd get Carters and BabyGap. So cute, such quality, and the sizing is accurate.

We have a sling, a wrap, and a backpack-style infant carrier and I love all three. I'm able to cook, clean, and walk with Gabe. It's great!

Gabe was swaddled every night from the day he was born until a few weeks ago. SwaddleMe swaddles worked best for us because of the Velcro - swaddle blankets worked when he was very tiny, as well. Miracle Blankets are okay, but he managed to always bust out. Ninja baby!

Nothing I need to say about the Pump-in-Style except it works fabulously and I love it. (Well, I don't love it, but I tolerate it and it works incredibly well for me.)

Gabe uses this co-sleeper for the first stretch of sleep most every night, and it has been wonderful having him so close to us. If he ends up in bed with me after eating (um, every night), then it provides a nice assurance that he won't fall off the bed.

He also used his swing a lot when he was younger, likes a few toys like this, has an activity gym that he loves, a play mat, and other such baby playthings. We didn't buy any of these until after he was born - it's a trial and error of what works for us and our baby, you know?

What is one thing that surprised you about pregnancy? Most people I talk to always have a story about something nobody had ever "warned" them about!

Um, since these is a family-friendly blog, I can't say what *really* surprised me most about it (email me to ask!), but probably the whole heartburn thing. I was unprepared to have to stop eating by 7pm every night in order to be able to go to sleep without insane amounts of heartburn. I downed tons of Pepcid and even got sick from heartburn one night. Yuck. Oh, and the sleeplessness. OH! The sleeplessness. I slept better with a newborn than I did pregnant. Miserable. Oh, and the whole after-birth healing process. Lots of ouchies I didn't expect.

Did you ever fear you wouldn't love being a mom? My husband and I are going to try to get pregnant soon, and I worry that the sleepless nights, fights, exhaustion, etc. will be too much and I will blame the baby...thoughts?

I definitely didn't approach having a tiny baby with rose-colored glasses; I expected it to be hard, hard, HARD. Much like you, I expected sleep deprivation to be just about the worst EVER. In fact, towards the end of my pregnancy, while most women are complaining about feeling huge and just wanting to be done, I'd tell everyone, "I know having a tiny baby won't be easy, so I'm in no rush!"

I was scared of never having time to myself again. I was scared my relationship with Mike would be more difficult. I was scared I'd be a miserable zombie.

Honestly, though? For me, I had a fairly easy transition to motherhood, aside from the usual stuff at first - pain from birth, figuring out breastfeeding, and fearing that everything possible might be wrong with this tiny little human that you're suddenly responsible for. (And you find yourself Googling questions about a 4-day-old's poop color. Yay for the internet.)

I got in bed at 9 every night, and got out at 9 every morning - figuring that 12 hours in bed with a newborn eating every few hours equaled about eight hours of sleep. I napped a bit, but really sleep hasn't been a problem. I eventually learned to nurse lying down in the dark, and stopped sitting up using the Boppy and changing his diaper at night. It made night feedings much quicker and I hardly wake up. You just figure out what works for you and your family.

Most of the time, I look at Gabe and could never be mad at him. I think the hormones are responsible for that. There are a few times where I'm more of the, "Gabe! Go to sleep! Oh my gosh!" mindset and if I lose my patience, I hand him to Mike. And vice versa. Thank goodness for husbands, am I right?

I was actually most afraid of losing myself when I became a mother - not caring about other things or being able to talk about other things. I really didn't want to alienate non-parents with my incessant parent-talk. Thankfully, that (mostly) hasn't happened.

Good luck! :) It's an awesome, awesome ride. I promise.

What would you do differently in mommyland, now that you've had a few months of experience?

Not worry about what Gabe is or isn't doing, milestone-wise. It doesn't mean he's smart if he's doing it ahead of schedule, and it doesn't mean he's intellectually compromised if he's behind schedule. Not worry so much about how 'they' say not to do, if it makes sense to me. Figure out how to make more friends with babies! And keep in touch better with all my awesome non-baby friends (or convince them to have babies. *cough*KatieandStephen*cough*).

Just wondering if you would recommend any particular book or website that you found helpful during your pregnancy.

I didn't read about my pregnancy as much as I read about birth. Probably more than is normal. My favorites were: The Birth Book by Dr. Sears, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, and Birthing from Within (a bit hokey, but good pain-management practices). Mike also read Husband-Coached Childbirth. I know some may roll their eyes, saying you don't need to prepare for childbirth, it just happens and you have no control. That birth plans are silly. That there's no need in overthinking things.

But I cannot say enough about the books I read in preparation for Gabe's birth. I do not exaggerate when I say they changed my life. I became more of an advocate for myself and my child, I started to look more critically at things, and I gained confidence in my abilities.

Aside from the typical Baby Center emails that I poured over each week, I read, and loved, the weekly online pregnancy calendar Zero to Forty, written by the fabulous and hilarious Amalah. 

How much did having Gabe cost, including what your insurance company covered? I have universal health care so am curious!

Prenatal care: $3,831.00, of which we paid $616.93 (midwife care is cheaper than OB care, woo!) (This doesn't include a few extra ultrasounds and non-stress tests that I took before I opted out - with a copay of $40 per weekly test.)

Birth stuff: $10,012.65, of which insurance paid $7,769.85 and we paid $1,072.80. (The remaining $1,170 was billed to insurance...which I assume means they paid it? It's all a bit confusing.) Plus, a $230 hearing test in the hospital, of which we paid $31.40. The hospital bill included $3,200 for labor and delivery, $2,474 for 'room and board' for one night, $29.35 for Motrin I took every 6 hours, $627.00 for 'supplies' like mesh panties for me and diapers for Gabe, and $67.00 for lab work. I had a normal, uncomplicated, unmedicated birth and we left 36 hours after Gabe was born. So, this is pretty much the cheapest hospital births can come!

(We also paid $150 for a 12-week childbirth class and $35 for a breastfeeding class - both great investments!)

Hi there! Thanks for an awesome blog :) I was just curious (and I know you've addressed this before) about how you budgeted etc to plan for Gabe's arrival. Its so confusing knowing where to start and how much baby related things cost!

Hi! Thanks. :) Oh, budgets. Yes, yes. They are important. About a year ago, I wrote a post with lots of details about how we spend (and save!) our money. Anticipating the arrival of Gabe, we were able to save $10,000 last year. A pretty big feat since that's more than a quarter of our combined income. (Whenever I feel poor, I remind myself that the average household income in the US is just above $50,000. So, we're not that far off. Anyway.) We generally tend to live fairly simple, but I also keep track of our spending with Mint and PearBudget. Some months I'm quite vigilant with this, and other months I just keep a lose watch on things.

As far as how much baby things cost, I think it's more about how much you want to spend. I've written before about how we keep things simple (and cheap!) when it comes to Gabe. We've spent less than $200 on things for Gabe. (Not counting maternity clothes. How sad is that?) We are lucky in that my mom watches Gabe for free (only for his first year, next year we have to figure out how we're going to pay for child care...let's not talk about it right now), which is a huge relief on our wallet. Many couples I know are in a financial position to spend hundreds on the nursery, hundreds on a 'travel system,' and hundreds on a crib. We just didn't want to, and were lucky to have family and friends who hooked us up with hundreds of dollars worth of hand-me-downs. Some may shudder at the thought of used baby things, but not us!

Got a question for me? Ask away!

Ten Things about Cloth Diapers.

I've known since I was senior in high school that I would cloth diaper one day. That may seem a little crazy, but we had a debate in my Environmental Science class and I was convinced. The decision wasn't a big deal and figuring out what cloth diapering entailed was as easy as turning to my awesome cloth diapering aunts. By the way, cloth diapers are way, way different now than when we were babies. I don't claim to be an expert, as I've only been doing this for two months. This isn't as much of a how-to post as it is a how-and-why-I-do post. (For how-to guides, this is a great starting point, as is this.) I will try to answer any questions you have, though!

1. I don't have enough. But I don't have the money to buy more right now. Maybe we'll get some for Christmas? Our current stash is seven one-size and three smalls (mostly gifts). We do a load of diapers every or every other day, with some disposable supplementing thrown in.

2. Washing isn't gross at all. Since he only consumes breast milk, his poop is water-soluble and the diapers can just be thrown in the washing machine, no pre-rinsing required. If you can handle wiping a baby butt, you can handle dumping a bag of dirty cloth diapers in the machine. Promise. Our set-up involves this pail liner. You could probably just use the same trash bag over and over, too.

3. One-size FuzziBunz are my favorite. Now, I've only tried three types - FuzziBunz one-size, FuzziBunz perfect size and GroBaby one-size. My aunts have tried them all and found that FuzziBunz were the best for not leaking and have snaps instead of Velcro, and since I intend to use these diapers for future babies, I prefer snaps since they don't wear out like Velcro can. The GroBaby diaper inserts take longer to dry and tend to bunch up. Plus, FuzziBunz are soft fleece. I think I'll also try BumGenius 4.0, since they also have snaps.

4. Newborns CAN wear cloth diapers! Once he reached eight pounds - he was maybe 10 days old? He grows like a weed. A chubby weed. - I threw cloth diapers on him. We just made it work - adjusting the snaps as tight and small as possible.

5. He doesn't wear cloth overnight. In order to get our beauty sleep, I put a disposable diaper on him for 10-12 hours a night. Disposables hold more pee and wick the moisture away from his skin. (I think I've gone over the importance of sleep here before. When I was a rookie, I'd change his diaper and re-swaddle him and sit up to nurse him...now Gabe and I stay half-asleep while he nurses. Sleep is priceless!)

6. No more poop explosions or diaper rash. Period. (Though there is still some pee leakage now and then.)

7. We've saved money. Like, a lot. I've only had to buy two packs of diapers since he was born, which is sort of amazing since most people go through that much in a week. Saving money is the number one reason I cloth diaper (waste and keeping Gabe away from yucky chemicals are the other reasons).

8. So. Much. Less. Waste. I am amazed at how much waste we created when we used disposable diapers for a weekend while traveling. It's a little crazy, really. Babies create so much extra waste already (har har), no use in adding to it with disposable diapers!

9. We cloth diaper on the go. Usually. It's easy to throw used cloth diapers in a wet bag like this, and just bring along a few extra cloth diapers. If I'm leaving him with my mom, I bring disposables.

10. Big baby booty. The cloth diapers add some bulk to Gabe's behind, which means he tends to grow out of onesies more quickly.  No loss, really, since I get impatient for him to wear his cute clothes in the next size!

Shampoo Free. Seriously.

If you follow me on Twitter or read my blog, you may think that I am consumed by my pregnancy. Not so. (Okay, mostly so. Let’s not address my complete and utter inability to focus on anything work-related. Ask me my opinion about a project that’s happening in September and I’ll probably stare at you with glazed over eyes. I’m busy Googling birth stories, thinking about maternity leave, and wondering what taking care of a newborn will be like. Sorry, boss.)

I’ve done lots of non-baby or pregnancy related things this summer. I had a tire blow out on the highway. We went camping. I worked a lot. We redecorated our apartment and I love it. We went across the state to visit with Mike’s niece and nephews. I created a new budgeting system. We saw my extended family a lot. My commute became really freaking long. My sister moved back across the country and asked me to be her maid of honor (yay!). I continued to take on blog design work and have new hopes and ideas for how to grow my little business. And I stopped using shampoo nearly four weeks ago.

Let’s talk for a minute about that last one. First, I promise you I’m not a scuzzball. See?

So maybe I haven’t used shampoo or conditioner from a bottle, but I have used baking soda, apple cider vinegar, and water to keep my hair clean.

Why?

I ran out of conditioner and was trying to figure out if there was a plastic-free option for conditioner when I stumbled across this great post (the whole website is fabulous, by the way). Intrigued by the idea that baking soda and apple cider vinegar could get my hair clean, I figured I’d give it a shot. If it worked, I’d be saving tons of money, not using any chemicals, and reducing my waste. If my hair became greasy, tangled, or dirty – I’d just wash it. No commitment, nothing to lose.

That was on July 22nd. I haven’t touched my (giant!) bottle of shampoo since.

How?

Tsh recommends a mixing a tablespoon of baking soda per cup of water for the shampoo part. (I have thicker, wavy hair, so I increased the baking soda.) I keep the mixture in a plastic squeeze bottle that used to hold chocolate syrup. Just squirt and rub into your scalp, massaging as you go. The baking soda acts as a clarifier on your scalp and removes dirt and oil.

For the conditioner, mix a tablespoon or so of apple cider vinegar per cup of water. I keep this mixture in an old conditioner bottle and apply mostly to ends of my hair. I have even stored it in a cup and dipped the ends of my hair in the cup to really make sure they get good and conditioned. I have pretty dry hair, so I make sure and apply lots of it and leave it in for a few minutes while I finish showering.

Since my hair is typically pretty dry, I sometimes use a teensy bit of coconut oil (we’re talking a dab on my finger) and rub it through my hair to get rid of flyaways and such. It’s sort of like this stuff, minus the cost.

What are the results?

My hair is soft, clean, and manageable. I don’t have to choose between chemically-laden, but cheap or expensive, natural shampoo. My new ‘shampoo’ and ‘conditioner’ cost me very little and create hardly any waste.

I am going to continue on my happy shampoo-less existence until a problem arises.

Wanna try?

I've told a few friends what I've been doing, and one of them tried it out as well. Here's what she said:  "Also, Teej and I have been 'poo free for a week now! Just baking soda and apple cider vinegar! I LOVE the vinegar as conditioner... I think it works WAY better than store bought conditioner."


Check out this post for more details, ideas, and links to other blogs. And let me know how it goes!

Oh, Religion.

I grew up in a religious (Catholic) family - we went to church every Sunday, participated in all of the sacraments, and were very involved in our faith and church. When I was in high school, I became quite religious myself - leading retreats for other high schoolers, reading my Bible, praying, and being a leader in our church youth group. I was always pegged as a "good little Christian girl" by my classmates. (Which was quite annoying as a 17-year-old, but in retrospect, was probably a good thing. Because they typecast me, I stayed out of trouble. No one was going to ask the Good Little Christian Girl to do Naughty Things.)

As a freshman in college, a coworker and I got into a conversation about religion, and he remarked, "Most wars are started by religion; religion does more harm than good."

My 18-year-old self was scandalized. Religion? Bad? He's obviously a heathen.

This conversation was followed by four transformative years of college (see: recap here). I've come a long way since my simplistic understanding of the ways that religion contributes both positively and negatively to our world. As I’ve become more balanced in my own personal faith journey, I’ve been able to see that there are, in fact, many negative effects of religion. Individuals (including the 18-year-old me) can become judgmental and divisive in the name of religion. Instead of being a tool to create a more loving, caring world - we can use religion to justify violence and hate.

In my opinion, the purpose of religion should be to inspire individuals to create a better world through bettering themselves; to become kinder, gentler, more open, and more generous individuals. Religion and spirituality should call us outward towards others, not just inward.

I think religion makes the world a better place when this happens. And it so often does.

Religiously-affiliated colleges and high schools more often educate about social justice and include service in their curriculum. Religious charities feed the hungry, care for the sick and orphaned, and advocate for the poor. I’ve met some of the most amazing religious sisters (nuns) dedicate their lives to working for peace and justice. They inspire me and make me proud to consider myself a part of their religion.

Plus, Jesus was all about loving your neighbor, not getting hung up on specific rules, and nonviolence. He was a pretty radical guy.

That’s not to say that the teachings of religions aren’t ever hurtful or harmful. I’ve personally struggled with this; it can be so heartbreaking. I’ve seen discrimination in this country that has angered and frustrated me. Someday, I’ll write a post about living in a country of Muslims during 9/11 and coming back to my own country, surprised and saddened to find resentment and unfounded beliefs about Islam running rampant.

I am, In fact, an unlikely defendant of religion. Even as I write this, I'm torn to be defending something that has hurt so many. But I'm writing about it, because I think when it's done well, religion can contribute to a better world.

But today, I want to talk about how you think religion has both helped or harmed our cities, our countries, and our world.

Me? I don’t think you need religion or faith to be a good person, but I think that religion has the potential to make the world a better place.

A Welcome Change of Plans for My Sunday.

On Saturday night, I checked my cell phone before going to bed and got a voicemail from my Aunt M, telling me my Aunt J was in labor and inviting me to the labor with her. Aunt J had planned a home birth and thought it would be neat for me to see a birth. (They must read my blog or follow me on Twitter. Or they just sense the baby fever.)

Side note: I want no one at my birth aside from Mike and a midwife. Probably my mom, since she's been through five of them and attended at most of my aunts'. She's pretty much a champion birther. But! I could never imagine INVITING people to see me give birth. I'm already paranoid about possibly pooping (!) in front of people and groaning or crying or whatever pain will make me do. My aunt is insanely awesome and low-key, obviously.

Since I didn't check my voicemail until 11:30pm, I decided the baby might be already born and it would be far too late to call Aunt M. I went to sleep and called Aunt M first thing when I woke up.

A baby girl. Born at four in the morning. Marie Lucia.

You may have noticed I have quite a few little boy cousins. Nine under the age of six, in fact. My grandma has 26 grandchildren and the last nine have been boys. This little girl will have a LOT of boys around. It was amazing to hold a baby that was less than 12 hours old. It has been a long time since I've done that. There is something truly fascinating and magical about a tiny, perfect little human who has recently been through a great deal of trauma to get here. Seeing her open her eyes, overwhelmed by light and flail her arms around slowly, probably not used to being able to move so freely - it's just beautiful...

Also, my aunt gave birth at HOME. Which is crazy fascinating. If you want to read more about why someone might choose home birth, checkout Sara's great post here. I didn't even know they had considered home birth - but they were keeping it quiet, since people tend to be quite judgmental about alternative health choices. I'm currently reading Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Day Midwife and just watched The Business of Being Born (which I highly recommend to any pregnant or wants-to-be-pregnant-someday woman) - so it was really neat to get to talk to my aunt about her home birth less than a day afterward. (This was after a C-section, which is apparently a pretty big deal. Go Aunt J! She's a rock star - all 4'11" of her.)

From a visitor's point of view - it was fabulous to be able to sit and chat with my aunts NOT in a hospital on their king-size bed. And capture moments like this. And enjoy moments like this: