Answering More Questions: On Mike, Marriage, and Maternity Leave.

Are you related to Danielle Bean?

(Danielle Bean is a superstar in the world of Catholic blogging and publishing.) Nope. She’s short and brunette like me, but we’re not related! I am ridiculously flattered whenever she shares one of my posts, though.

Did you ever think when you were younger that you wouldn't get married? [cause guys were stupid, or just always wanted to be friends, or you were just kinda...in a sad mood?]

Oh, sweetie. I just want to hug you. If you are younger than 21, I’ll be honest and say that you probably don’t need to worry about guys too much right now. Of course, I’ve never been much of a casual dater (I always would rather spend time with my friends unless it was a relationship that was actually going to go somewhere, but maybe I’m odd that way), so you might feel differently. It often takes longer for guys to mature (Mike was 24 and I almost 20 when we met). Not all guys are stupid, and not all guys will want to just be friends. Keep your chin up and don’t get too disheartened; it just takes one guy. Just one.

To answer your question: When I was in my late teens, I went through a period where I didn’t think I wanted to get married and have a family, and in fact, never dreamed of my wedding and marriage the way some girls do. I simply didn’t really think about marriage (I banned the ‘m-word’ from our dorm room sophomore year of college) until I met Mike, and things clicked perfectly (clichés ahoy!) and I wanted to just be with him all the time, forever. Possibly because I didn’t have many boyfriends before him (um, one), but I was completely swept away by how strong my feelings were for him, how much I adored him, and how special he made me feel. I had made lists of what I’d want in my future husband, but when Mike came along; I realized he was more perfect for me than I could have even imagined a future husband to be. We’ve both changed so much from who we were when we first met, but we’ve, thankfully and amazingly, changed in similar ways. That’s not to say, of course, that things are perfect and wonderful all the time. A relationship changes and grows and gets less fluttery over time. But those flutters turn into a comfortable, cozy love that involves yoga pants, Psych on Netflix, and frozen pizza. There are disagreements and arguments and stubbornness, but there is also silliness and laughter and bear hugs. Marriage is one of the hardest things I’ve ever entered into, but also the most wonderful.

Why don't you post more about Mike? Give us an update on his schooling, hobbies, and how he is as a dad :)

Simply put, because this isn’t his blog and I feel like it’s inconsiderate to talk about him without his permission. Does that make sense? He didn’t choose to have a blog where he talks openly about his life to anyone and everyone. In fact, for a long time, he didn’t get blogging (and didn’t like that I did it!), but after meeting some of the people I’ve become friends with through blogging, I think he appreciates it more.

However! Since you asked, he is in his first year of a PhD program in counseling psychology and absolutely loves it. I’ve never see him so passionate, work so hard, or get so excited about the direction of his life. I am so proud of him and in awe of his newfound fire for justice issues. He’s always pushed me to be a better person, but he continues to educate himself and push himself even further. We’re both learning so much, even though sometimes I’d rather watch Rent than a film on Tolstoy’s life (which was, much to my surprise, enthralling and well-done). His hobbies are bicycling (he built a fixed gear bike), gardening, running (he has the longest legs ever), music (have I mentioned he proposed with a song he wrote? And our wedding favors were CDs of his music?), and most recently, reading, reading, and more reading.

I’ve talked in the early days about how wonderful of father Mike is, but I think what strikes me most of all is the absolute giddiness, deep affection, and absolute adoration of Gabe. He is just in love with Gabe. Words don’t really do justice to explain how awesome it is to see their relationship develop. Gabe lights up when Mike talks to him, laughing often. Mike is waaay funnier than I am, anyway.

What is the joyequation that you spoke about? Do you think that it is worthwhile?

The Joy Equation is a 30 day course for surviving the quarterlife crisis. It dubs itself “A 30 Day Guide to Living Life on Purpose” and aims to you “How to Tackle the Quarterlife Life Crisis, Gain Confidence in Yourself, and Love Your Life.” It’s a combination of journal prompts and audio sessions with a workbook, all aimed to help you determine what makes you happy.

The actual equation outlines the activities for each week and is:

CONNECT WITH YOURSELF + DEFINE SUCCESS + CULTIVATE POWERFUL HABITS + COMMIT TO YOUR HAPPINESS = AUTHENTIC JOY

Since I have a small baby and work two part-time jobs (both out of the home and my design business), it’s taking me longer than 30 days to complete. I find it incredibly worthwhile, though, and have really enjoyed the time focusing on myself and my joys, particularly at this point in my life. It’s a very well-done program, and the creator, Molly, is a true doll. I recommend to anyone (particularly women) who aren’t satisfied in their current career, are looking for more contentment, or just dream of a bigger things.

do you ever eat meat? even a bite?

Not unless it’s an accident. I’ve been a vegetarian for six years now, and the last time I ate just a bite of meat was a bite of pepperoni three years ago. Hehe. We were doing a wine tasting and the wine made me think pepperoni was more delicious than it is, so I took a bite. Mike has teased me about it ever since. Though, we do eat fish once or twice a year if someone prepares it for us. I consider fish meat, though many do not.

is the 3 month mat leave typical in the USA?

The Family Medical Leave Act gives some (not all) employees up to unpaid (!) 12 weeks of maternity leave – not quite three months. Many, many moms go back after just 6 weeks, which I simply cannot fathom. I started working at Starbucks 15-20 hours a week when Gabe was two months old, but the schedule was such that I hardly missed out on any time with him. Maternity leave in this country is absolutely atrocious, and we deserve much better.

how far does Mike have to drive everyday to school/work?

His school is his work, and we live about two miles from it. It involves several gigantic hills, but he rode his bike when it was nicer out. He’s also taken the bus to school (twice with Gabe!), but generally just drives.

if you could buy a new car tomorrow, what would it be?

Prius. The gas mileage makes me salivate. (Mike wants to buy an old Volvo and fuel it with biodiesel.) Our Honda Accord gets about half the gas mileage as a Prius. Womp womp.

Got a question for me? Ask away!

Answering Questions: Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Mama Edition.

What the biggest challenge you have faced in becoming a mama?

Probably the whole job thing - realizing I couldn't do it and having to quit during maternity leave. That was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had to have. I adored my job and co-workers, and hated to surprise them like that. I know it was the right thing to do, but it was so difficult, especially since I'm a people pleaser.

What are your favorite must-have baby products you have purchased? Any brands/items that you swear by, or are worth the money?!

I haven't actually had to purchase many things myself (thank goodness for hand-me-downs and gifts!) But our favorites are: cloth diapers, Carters and BabyGap clothes, baby wearing devices, SwaddleMe swaddles, a Medela double electric breast pump, and the Arm's Reach mini co-sleeper. 

I've written about cloth diapers before - we use mostly FuzziBunz and prefolds with covers now. I absolutely love prefolds - thanks to a reader who suggested I try them. I get a weird enjoyment in changing the prefolds.

Carters and BabyGap make the cutest baby clothes. Gabe has more clothes than he knows what to do with (I do his laundry every two weeks and his closet is still full), but if I were in the market to buy baby clothes? I'd get Carters and BabyGap. So cute, such quality, and the sizing is accurate.

We have a sling, a wrap, and a backpack-style infant carrier and I love all three. I'm able to cook, clean, and walk with Gabe. It's great!

Gabe was swaddled every night from the day he was born until a few weeks ago. SwaddleMe swaddles worked best for us because of the Velcro - swaddle blankets worked when he was very tiny, as well. Miracle Blankets are okay, but he managed to always bust out. Ninja baby!

Nothing I need to say about the Pump-in-Style except it works fabulously and I love it. (Well, I don't love it, but I tolerate it and it works incredibly well for me.)

Gabe uses this co-sleeper for the first stretch of sleep most every night, and it has been wonderful having him so close to us. If he ends up in bed with me after eating (um, every night), then it provides a nice assurance that he won't fall off the bed.

He also used his swing a lot when he was younger, likes a few toys like this, has an activity gym that he loves, a play mat, and other such baby playthings. We didn't buy any of these until after he was born - it's a trial and error of what works for us and our baby, you know?

What is one thing that surprised you about pregnancy? Most people I talk to always have a story about something nobody had ever "warned" them about!

Um, since these is a family-friendly blog, I can't say what *really* surprised me most about it (email me to ask!), but probably the whole heartburn thing. I was unprepared to have to stop eating by 7pm every night in order to be able to go to sleep without insane amounts of heartburn. I downed tons of Pepcid and even got sick from heartburn one night. Yuck. Oh, and the sleeplessness. OH! The sleeplessness. I slept better with a newborn than I did pregnant. Miserable. Oh, and the whole after-birth healing process. Lots of ouchies I didn't expect.

Did you ever fear you wouldn't love being a mom? My husband and I are going to try to get pregnant soon, and I worry that the sleepless nights, fights, exhaustion, etc. will be too much and I will blame the baby...thoughts?

I definitely didn't approach having a tiny baby with rose-colored glasses; I expected it to be hard, hard, HARD. Much like you, I expected sleep deprivation to be just about the worst EVER. In fact, towards the end of my pregnancy, while most women are complaining about feeling huge and just wanting to be done, I'd tell everyone, "I know having a tiny baby won't be easy, so I'm in no rush!"

I was scared of never having time to myself again. I was scared my relationship with Mike would be more difficult. I was scared I'd be a miserable zombie.

Honestly, though? For me, I had a fairly easy transition to motherhood, aside from the usual stuff at first - pain from birth, figuring out breastfeeding, and fearing that everything possible might be wrong with this tiny little human that you're suddenly responsible for. (And you find yourself Googling questions about a 4-day-old's poop color. Yay for the internet.)

I got in bed at 9 every night, and got out at 9 every morning - figuring that 12 hours in bed with a newborn eating every few hours equaled about eight hours of sleep. I napped a bit, but really sleep hasn't been a problem. I eventually learned to nurse lying down in the dark, and stopped sitting up using the Boppy and changing his diaper at night. It made night feedings much quicker and I hardly wake up. You just figure out what works for you and your family.

Most of the time, I look at Gabe and could never be mad at him. I think the hormones are responsible for that. There are a few times where I'm more of the, "Gabe! Go to sleep! Oh my gosh!" mindset and if I lose my patience, I hand him to Mike. And vice versa. Thank goodness for husbands, am I right?

I was actually most afraid of losing myself when I became a mother - not caring about other things or being able to talk about other things. I really didn't want to alienate non-parents with my incessant parent-talk. Thankfully, that (mostly) hasn't happened.

Good luck! :) It's an awesome, awesome ride. I promise.

What would you do differently in mommyland, now that you've had a few months of experience?

Not worry about what Gabe is or isn't doing, milestone-wise. It doesn't mean he's smart if he's doing it ahead of schedule, and it doesn't mean he's intellectually compromised if he's behind schedule. Not worry so much about how 'they' say not to do, if it makes sense to me. Figure out how to make more friends with babies! And keep in touch better with all my awesome non-baby friends (or convince them to have babies. *cough*KatieandStephen*cough*).

Just wondering if you would recommend any particular book or website that you found helpful during your pregnancy.

I didn't read about my pregnancy as much as I read about birth. Probably more than is normal. My favorites were: The Birth Book by Dr. Sears, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, and Birthing from Within (a bit hokey, but good pain-management practices). Mike also read Husband-Coached Childbirth. I know some may roll their eyes, saying you don't need to prepare for childbirth, it just happens and you have no control. That birth plans are silly. That there's no need in overthinking things.

But I cannot say enough about the books I read in preparation for Gabe's birth. I do not exaggerate when I say they changed my life. I became more of an advocate for myself and my child, I started to look more critically at things, and I gained confidence in my abilities.

Aside from the typical Baby Center emails that I poured over each week, I read, and loved, the weekly online pregnancy calendar Zero to Forty, written by the fabulous and hilarious Amalah. 

How much did having Gabe cost, including what your insurance company covered? I have universal health care so am curious!

Prenatal care: $3,831.00, of which we paid $616.93 (midwife care is cheaper than OB care, woo!) (This doesn't include a few extra ultrasounds and non-stress tests that I took before I opted out - with a copay of $40 per weekly test.)

Birth stuff: $10,012.65, of which insurance paid $7,769.85 and we paid $1,072.80. (The remaining $1,170 was billed to insurance...which I assume means they paid it? It's all a bit confusing.) Plus, a $230 hearing test in the hospital, of which we paid $31.40. The hospital bill included $3,200 for labor and delivery, $2,474 for 'room and board' for one night, $29.35 for Motrin I took every 6 hours, $627.00 for 'supplies' like mesh panties for me and diapers for Gabe, and $67.00 for lab work. I had a normal, uncomplicated, unmedicated birth and we left 36 hours after Gabe was born. So, this is pretty much the cheapest hospital births can come!

(We also paid $150 for a 12-week childbirth class and $35 for a breastfeeding class - both great investments!)

Hi there! Thanks for an awesome blog :) I was just curious (and I know you've addressed this before) about how you budgeted etc to plan for Gabe's arrival. Its so confusing knowing where to start and how much baby related things cost!

Hi! Thanks. :) Oh, budgets. Yes, yes. They are important. About a year ago, I wrote a post with lots of details about how we spend (and save!) our money. Anticipating the arrival of Gabe, we were able to save $10,000 last year. A pretty big feat since that's more than a quarter of our combined income. (Whenever I feel poor, I remind myself that the average household income in the US is just above $50,000. So, we're not that far off. Anyway.) We generally tend to live fairly simple, but I also keep track of our spending with Mint and PearBudget. Some months I'm quite vigilant with this, and other months I just keep a lose watch on things.

As far as how much baby things cost, I think it's more about how much you want to spend. I've written before about how we keep things simple (and cheap!) when it comes to Gabe. We've spent less than $200 on things for Gabe. (Not counting maternity clothes. How sad is that?) We are lucky in that my mom watches Gabe for free (only for his first year, next year we have to figure out how we're going to pay for child care...let's not talk about it right now), which is a huge relief on our wallet. Many couples I know are in a financial position to spend hundreds on the nursery, hundreds on a 'travel system,' and hundreds on a crib. We just didn't want to, and were lucky to have family and friends who hooked us up with hundreds of dollars worth of hand-me-downs. Some may shudder at the thought of used baby things, but not us!

Got a question for me? Ask away!

{FAQ 10} On Husbands, Marriage, and Favorite Things.

Hilary: What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about being married?

Favorite: Having a partner in crime! We try out new restaurants together, we explore the city together, and we stay at home on Friday night and watch silly reality shows together and don’t judge ourselves for it. Even the mundane can be delightful because my best friend ever is with me.

Least: I am so independent. I could probably spend most days alone and be completely content my How I Met Your Mother DVDs and my craft supplies or Adobe Creative Suite. This bothers Mike, because I don’t need him around to be happy. That and, oh, the fact that one someone knows you THAT well – your flaws and shortcomings become much more apparent to yourself.

Not being in a relationship means you don’t realize how impatient, rude, unkind, and bad a holding your tongue you (okay, I) can be sometimes.

What about your hubby do you love the most?

He challenges me to be a better person. I've learned SO much from him.

Oh, and he sings me songs and is possibly more romantic than I am. (He told me he loved me by playing and singing Jim Croce’s “I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song.” I know, I know, I’m lucky.)

Sarah Marie P: 1. What's your favorite place you've ever been?

Either Hawaii or Koh Samet - the most beutiful little island near Thailand. We stayed in a bungalow that was infested with geckos, had no warm water, and no electricty save for a single lightbulb hanging in the center of the room. It was a round room with a dozen bed arranged in a radial pattern, so we slept with another family. It was the most rustic vacation I've ever been on - and was likely the best. We did nothing but lay in hammocks, enjoy frozen Snickers bars and french fries (uh, did I mean I was, like, thirteen at the time?), and play in the bluest, clearest ocean I've ever seen.

It's probably the most untouched place I've ever been - it was so cool. We even had to take a motorboat to get to the island. Awesome.

2. Where's the next place you hope to travel?

I just wrote about this. Well, the next place I will travel is Juarez and El Paso. Ideally? Let's go to Greece!

3. What is your favorite book?

Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech – an oldie, but a goody.

4. Do you have a favorite article of clothing?

Cardigans. Hands down. I love them. A LOT. Oh, or my skinny cords I got from Delia’s for $10. Delia’s jeans are my FAVORITE. Stop looking at me like I’m too old to shop there. I AM SMALL.

5. What is your favorite personal feature? (if that made sense!)

I’m not sure if you meant physical feature or personality or what, so:

Physical: My smile. It’s what I get compliments on most. (I was voted Best Smile of my senior class. Booyah.)

Non-superficially: I think I’m a considerate person – I’m always conscious of people’s feelings, which has a tendency to make me nearly hyper-sensitive to others.

Dana: 1. what do you love about your job?

I love that I have my own computer, I love that I work with people who are really passionate about justice, I love that I can walk to work, I love that I get an hour to go home for lunch, I love that I get to work with amazing students like this.

2. what is 1 thing your hubby does that drives you crazy?

I like how you limited it to one thing. Probably a good idea for Mike’s sake that I don’t spill his flaws to the internet, right?

He eats cereal like it’s going out of style. He’s actually a great cook, but he always grabs cereal instead of actually, you know, eating regular food. (I have nothing against cereal – in fact, it’s one of my favorite foods ever. In high school I pretty much subsisted on cereal alone.)

The reason it drives me crazy is because I’ll buy, say, some Kashi Crunch for breakfast. By the time I get around to craving cereal, it’s nearly gone. And it’s only the sweet cereals – if I buy plan old Kashi or Cheerios, they sit in the cabinet for weeks. Frosted shredded wheat or granola? It lasts five days. Max. I’m convinced that if Mike wasn’t married, he’d only eat cereal.

3. How did you know he was the one?

I couldn’t imagine a guy more perfect for me. It’s as simple as that, really. I had never thought about getting married, or imagined my future husband*, or even dreamed about my future including a man. But after half a year of hanging out with Mike, I suddenly realized I might just want all of those things.

Marriage is always a big risk (Have you seen “A Beautiful Mind”? That movie scared the bajeezus out of me – you never know when your husband might go CRAZY. Lesson learned.) – but when I had a guy like Mike, I thought we could work through anything, so I was willing to take that risk.

* My freshman year of college, we did this activity where we wrote a letter to our future spouse. Mine read something like, “Woah, dude! You must be crazy to marry me. Are you sure you wanna do this? Ha! Too late to turn back!” Yes, I’ve always been very mature and marriage-minded.

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This was the last FAQ. Hurrah!

Also good? I changed my blog header and side bars. Hurrah!

And it's weekend! Enjoy. And consider yourself lucky if you have Monday off, okay?

{FAQ 9} More about Kids, Being a Teachers's Pet, Wedding Pictures, and Cameras.

CPA Su: do you plan on having children? If so, how many?

I sort of covered this with Ev'Yan question. Yes, and maybe 4? I have no real idea until I start having them and see what it's like. (Although I read mommy blogs like crazy and am always surrounded by children and babies - so I have a vague idea of how difficult it is!)

Wishcake: 1. What is your favorite song at this moment in time?

"Come On Get Higher"by Matt Nathanson. He was recently on the campus of the university where I work. I missed the concert. He also has a fabulous Pandora station.

(I sing this song all the time, and Mike always calls me a pothead. I make a face at him.)

2. What is something you would try/do if you had the guts?

What a difficult question! Probably try moving somewhere completely new again. When I moved to Hawaii for four months and was thousands of miles away from anyone I knew - it was huge opportunity for growth and independence and so exciting. Although, I've really enjoyed living so close to my family this year, after several years of living 24 hours (by PLANE!) away from them. And when we start having kids - it would be so nice to have family nearby.

If I had the money to fly back home more than once a year, I'd like to try living in Portland or Seattle, I think. I'd love to move south for the weather, but I don't know if I could handle the Deep South. :) Honolulu would be nice, too, if it didn't cost a trillion billion dollars to live there.

3. What is something you think you're exceptionally good at?

Aside from talking to kids, which isn't really a skill - school. Like, I'm really, really good at it. I've always aced school - studying, memorizing, writing, test taking. My teachers in college and high school always prodded me to major in their subject because they thought I excelled at it.

Because I rocked papers, tests, and teachers loved me - I never thought about the career aspect of school. Just the school part - getting a 4.0, studying for tomorrow's test, writing the 10 page paper due Friday this afternoon (I am also good at procrastinating.).

Being good at school doesn't necessarily set a person up to excel at a job or career, which I'm slowly coming to terms with. It takes a whole different set of skills to excel at a career.

Renee: Can we see some of your fave wedding pictures? Can you come over and play? Or go for coffee? Or just teach me to be as cool as you?

Renee - I was just thinking the other day about some my blogging BFFs that lived close enough to actually have a chance of meeting. (This may or may not result from my utter and totally jealousy of this.) And I TOTLALLY thought of you. I'd love to go for coffee. :) Mega bus, anyone?

My favorite formal wedding photo is definitely this. I love all of those people so much it makes my heart hurt.

The best part of our wedding wasn't love, committment, or ceremonies. Nope. It was having all the people I love to pieces in one place at one time. (I still can't believe Eileen wasn't there. Although we called her the morning as we were getting ready. It was sad.)

My favorite photos from the day aren't the professional ones, though. They aren't the posed, the planned, the polished. They aren't pictures of Mike and I gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. They are blurry, grainy, and imperfect - but full of loved ones.

My grandma is wearing slippers on the dance floor and rocking one of my cousins. She's so maternal and comforting - this picture just makes me happy.


My little Aunt Julia is dancing with one of my California surfer boy cousins. Everyone danced. It was great.

My brother and some cousins from Virginia and California hanging out on the edge of the stage. Too cool to dance.


Going through a tunnel made by bridesmaids and groomsmen, surround by family, friends and bubbles. And calla lilies. Mmm.

For more of my favorite pictures, see this post.

Vanessa Ann: what kind of camera do you have? and, what kind of camera do you recommend?

I have this camera - which is just meh in my opinion. I loved my Samsung point-and-shoots waaay more. The pictures regularly turned out really well and the camera was light.

I recently bought a computer and expensive design software, so I won't be getting my dream DSLR camera anytime soon. I'm not sure what you need a camera for - but a Canon Rebel DSLR is great for beginners!

Just a note, as well - I think the editing process of photos can make a meh photo look much, much better. Keep that in mind! :)

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{FAQ 8} CSAs, Dreaming, Being Small, & Potatoes.

Sarah: if you could have a dream house anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Family notwithstanding: Hawaii, hands down. The weather is perfect, it is near both beaches and mountains, and is the most wonderful place I've ever visited. (And I've visited a LOT of places.) I could continue gushing. But I'll stop.

bFlat: I've been dying to know how the CSA worked out. Were the veggies good? Were you able to use them all? Would you recommend it to others?

Short answer: yes, mostly, and YES!

The vegetables were amazing. I've never tasted such great sweet corn or watermelon. Yum. I miss it a lot. It was a bit of work to make sure I used up as many vegetables as possible - I'd make a stir fry instead of a PB & J sandwich, for instance. But: The vegetables were local, so they lasted much longer than grocery store vegetables which have been shipped across the country (or world!) Plus, forcing myself to eat more fruits and vegetables is always a wonderful thing.

I would recommend a CSA to anyone and everyone. You can always share it with another person if you're afraid it will be too much. And now is a great time to start looking for one!

(A CSA is community supported agriculture - we paid a lump sum in May and got a huge bag of fresh fruits and vegetables every week for 16 weeks. Find a CSA here.)

Jimaie: 1. how tall are you?

I am a teeny tiny five-foot-one. Just don't call me a shrimp. I still hate that nickname.

2. what size shoe do you wear? ( hah! i sound so stalkery ALREADY! ;))

Six or six-and-a-half.

3. What is your all time favorite comfort food, one you could not live without?

Potatoes! Mashed potatoes, roasted potatoes, fries, oven baked potatoes. When I was in high school and ate fast food, I'd get a baked potato and french fries from Wendy's.

4. Tell us your idea of a perfect day :)

One spent in Hawaii on the beach, reading.

Or, realistically, one of the days over Christmas break when we were just lazy all day - playing Wii and dominoes, watching Scrubs, cooking, and hanging out with my family and my husband. It's perfect because I can wear yoga pants and a long sleeve thermal t-shirt all day and no one judges me. Plus, I like those people.


Ashley D: If you could have dinner with one person, who would it be and why?

Right now, Michelle Goodman, who wrote The Anti 9-to-5 Guide. I'd love to pick her brain and get her advice. Oh wait! No, I'd eat with the Readymade editors and convince them to feature my wee little Etsy shop. That would rock.

If money were no issue, where would you go on your next vacation?

Definitely a tour of Asia and Southeast Asia. I lived there for five years, and would LOVE to show Mike around. It's a big part of me that kind of gets buried. I'd eat roti canai, visit my high school, go shopping at KLCC (even though we still couldn't afford it), go see a $5 movie in a movie theater with Lazy Boy recliners, and savor the humidity. Sounds good to me.

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FYI: There are a million Ashleys on the Internet (and everywhere! Even though my parents named me after a boy when the name wasn't even popular. Annoying.), so to distinguish myself, I combined my Etsy name and my real name: Ashley.Star. So when I leave comments, that's me!

{FAQ 7} The Perfect Date and the Forgetful Environmentalist

The gorgeous (and funny!) Sarahbelle asks: okay first, please tell me that when you wrote the title, you were singing like TI.. 'you can ask whatever you like'. no? oh. okay. me neither then..moving onto QUESTIONS:1. if you could re-live one day from the past year, which would it be?

First, YES! That's totally what I was singing. But, okay, I knew this version before I knew the T.I. version. I am utterly and pathetically un-hip, okay?

So many good days this past year! I'd re-live the day we went to Cedar Point. Tons of my extended family came, Tim came, and it was just good times. Plus: It was warm enough to wear a tank top. And these days, that's all I need for a good day. Sigh.

2. describe your idea of the perfect date with your hubby :)

Typical "date" involves going out to dinner (Because we both love food. He usually lets me pick. I love him.), a movie at home, and a board game (which may or may not end up in a squabble because we both are shameless competitive. Don't play Scrabble with me, that's all I'm saying).

Ideal date? Going somewhere exotic and tropical. Preferably, Costa Rica. Because I can dream, right?

Jane wants to know: What's your favorite "green" tip? What's the one green thing you do that's hardest to remember and/or do consistently?

I'm going to cop-out and direct you to this post for your first question.

For a long, long time - I always left my reusable grocery bags at home. Always. Without fail. I eventually got better, and it's a habit now. Yay!

Currently, I've been prone to forgetting the produce bags that I reuse. {Although, if you want to talk about what "green" thing I am most lazy about, or something like that - I would be hard pressed to choose just one. Sadly. Like, I know that I shouldn't be insanely lazy and just TAKE my paper downstairs to recycle instead of throwing it out in the trashcan upstairs but sometimes I AM LAZY. There. I said it.}
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I'm jetting off to Ithaca, New York this weekend to visit a dear friend who recently moved there to start a PhD program at Cornell. (Do you think of Andy Bernard when you hear Cornell? Because I do. That is sad for Cornell, don't you think?)

Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll see on you on Inauguration Day. Let's hope it's, like, 50 degrees in Cleveland by then. (What? Is that unrealistic?)

PS: Stop by tomorrow for my unveiling of my List. Yes. A List. Get excited.

{FAQ 6} Eco-Tipp, Fantasy Island, How I Smell, and Baby Plans!

I am going to finish these FAQs! So, how about FAQ Fridays? Yes? Okay, then - let's go!

Tipp wonders: If you could give people just one eco-friendly tip, above all others that people should do, what would it be?

Think about how much waste you're creating with what you eat, buy, wear, and drive. And then try to reduce that. Just be conscious.

It sounds simple, but if you do it right, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to use and waste less.

(On a personal note, I've been insanely over-using a particular resource this holiday season. *cough*food*cough* Although eating tons of junk food, and continuing to eat after I'm full isn't as obvious of a waste

(Of course, for tons more ideas, check out my "Baby Steps" in my sidebar.)

Also, if you could only choose ONE pandora station to listen to every day what would it be??

90% of the time, I'd say Coldplay. Perfect for getting work done and grooving at the same time. Although, the last time I was at work (where I do the bulk of my Pandora-ing) found me listening to Christmas pop in a desperate attempt to feel some sort of Christmas cheer. (I so am full of Christmas cheer now. And it sure as heck doesn't end after Christmas!)
ThatShortChick asks: if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Family notwithstanding: hands down, HAWAII! The perfect blend of cultures - not bland or boring. And you cannot beat the beauty. Palm trees, high of 85 year round, beaches, and mountains. Mmm. (I am so not one of those people who "needs" seasons and can't celebrate Christmas without snow. Nope. Not at all. Yet, I still live in Ohio. Huh.)

Apricot tea would like know: 1.) Who do you admire/look up to & why?

Funny you should ask, because I've been thinking about this a whole lot lately. I think my combination of values and beliefs makes it hard for me to completely identify that One Person whom I'd like to model myself after. (Um, I guess Jesus is a pretty good role model, but I have an easier time identifying living people right now. A little less cliche than Jesus, right?)

There are many people I admire for many different reasons, currently I'm going to point to women who have successful - like Ashley, who started her own photography business this year. And Danni, who has had amazing success on Etsy (Heck! I admire so many Etsy women.). There are tons more, but I admire them because they took a risk, they started something, they pursued their passions. And I want to do the same someday, so I completely and totally admire them.

2.) What is your signature scent?

I don't really wear any type of perfume. The only fragrance I put on my body is deodorant. I do enjoy Victoria's Secret Amber Romance body spray, but I'm just not one for lots of fragrance. Although I've been falling in love with essential oils lately. I got one from Whole Foods called "Chill Pill" with citrus and lavender. I keep it in my desk drawer at work and sprinkle a little on my wrists and breathe in the relaxation. Ommm. Maybe my signature scent is: "Should have showered yesterday"?

3.) Your most favorite food as a vegetarian?

Oh, man. Just one? I love to eat. Perhaps baked sweet potato fries are my favorite. Right now, anyway. {They're super simple - just cut, toss with olive oil and salt/spices. Then bake at 350, or broil on high if you're impatient like me. Turn them over when they start to brown. Dip in ketchup. Mmm.}

4.) Are you & your husband planning on having babies soon? (Since this question was asked most for me!)

Planning? Nope. He is in grad school and I'm a professional volunteer - our income situation is anything but stable right now! We'd like to get his career underway before we bring a little insanely-dependent person into our life. We'll probably have our first while Mike is getting his PhD, so I have no illusions of achieving wealth before starting a family. :)

That being said, surprises always happen! And without getting too personal - let's just say we don't practice birth control with chemicals, hormones, or *ahem* other barriers, (my cheeks are red right now!) - so there's a bit of room for surprise. (And there's always the possibility that I might have troubles getting pregnant. Which would be awful, so let's not think about that.)

We also hope to adopt/foster. That requires more financial stability, though, so I know it will be a while before that happens!

{FAQ 5} On Meat-Free Ashley and Lil' Sibs.

Continuing to answer your questions...

Heidi Renee asks: When and why did you go vegetarian?

Can you also ask where? Because that's equally awesome. (Hawaii! The land of Spam lovin', ironically.)

For the whole story of my vegetarianism, check out this post from a year ago.

The quick(er) story: I never really enjoyed meat, but my dad wouldn't let me be a vegetarian. So I just ate as little as possible. I didn't want to say I was a vegetarian, because hello! high maintenance.

Then I learned a whole lot about the land usage for meat - like how 80% of all agricultural land in the US is used to raise animals for food, and about all the chemicals and antibiotics that get injected into animals to make them cheaper to feed. (ie. Cows. They are supposed to eat grass, right? Well, we inject them so they can eat grain and scraps of other animals. Not good for the cows, people! Also, ew.)

Vegetarians have lower rates of colon and other cancers, which sounded awesome to me. And I didn't have to worry about animals laying in their own waste or beaks getting chopped off or all that stuff you hear about in factory farms.

So, I decided to be high maintenece and proclaimed myself a vegetarian in January 2005, my sophomore year of college, in Honolulu, Hawaii. And I'm never, ever going back. I love my meat-free life way too much.

Miriel I know you've talked a lot recently about the politically-based tensions in your family. Since I have lots of siblings, I'm curious about your relationship with your sisters in general. What are they like as individuals? How are you similar? How do you all differ? What are the things you like to do together? And will you post pictures?

Thanks for being polite, instead of saying, "ZOMG, shut up about your family and how mean they are to poor-wittle Ashley! Get over it."

Who's Who of Ashley's Siblings

Tara: First of all, you must know that all of my sisters are absolutely gorgeous. It's true. Tara is a year younger than me and is a blond haired, blue eyed former cheerleader and sorority sister. We are quite different in a lot of ways. She went to a small conservative Christian college as a business major and moved to Colorado last fall. We didn't get along for a long, long time. (I was jealous of her always getting guys' attention. And how she was a foot taller than me.) Since it was just the two of us for the first few years of our life, it's a shame that we went for much of our middle/high school years not getting along.

Despite our obvious, many differences, we're definitely friends. We're both odd and quirky and share so many of the same memories from childhood - who else crawled on the freshly painted dressers pretending to be cats in their church dresses and got in huge trouble for it?

I think she'll end up with her own business, networking like crazy.

[She recently got her nose pierced and my grandma told her: "I forgive you, because you voted for McCain." Ha. Sad, eh?]


Melanie: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! She has left her teens as of today! She is similar to me in many ways - but way cooler and more stylish than I could ever pull off. People often tell us we have similar mannerisms, and she's the one I called when I was upset with our crazy family.

She's artsy and funky and awesome. And also a vegetarian! We've been friends for a long time. When we were growing up, she'd always hang out in my room. We'd talk forever. And even though we're four years apart, I'd confide in her.

She's going to be an English teacher and a cool teacher who everyone adores.


Emmie: Quite decidedly a mini-me in appearance, she even just dyed her hair quite dark so we match again, Emmie is in 10th grade and is 16-years-old. I love this girl, and she's becoming a wonderful young lady. (No, I am not 80-years-old, even if I sound like I am.) She loves animals, art, and television. She's learning how to drive and is actually quite good! She's so loving and affectionate, just a sweetheart.

I know Emmie will do something with animals. Perhaps run a doggie daycare?



Anthony: 14 years old, in 8th grade and a little technology geek. And I say geek in the most loving way. He loves computers and gaming and reading PC magazine. He suddenly became into politics this year and was a huge McCain fan, even skipping school to go to the rally. He recently sent his sisters an email: "If you don't know what to get me for Christmas [link to overly expensive mouse. Who pays $55 for a stinkin' computer mouse?!] I have extra money in my pocket, so we could combine. :)"

He's a little entrepreneur and asks 50 million questions a day. I'm not even kidding.

Although he's been interested in anesthesiology lately, I can't see anything but computers in this kid's future.

I love these four people so very much. I adore being a "big sister" and always have. Whether we're singing Christmas carols as we ride a trolley after ice skating, traveling around the chilly of San Fransisco, or just laying on the couch watching Scrubs (to make Emmie happy), we always have a good time.

/End sappy ode to siblings.

{FAQ 4} On Design, Cleveland, Smiles, and le Husband.

Gretchen, who perhaps has the coolest name ever and an equally awesome blog header and impeccable taste in television asks: What inspires you as a designer?

There is so much that I adore about designing and creating. I like to make things that people want to look at. Whether I'm designing a newsletter, brochure, website, or something for my Etsy shop, I am inspired by simplicity. I look at books, magazines, or websites that are well-designed. I am very inspired by good photography. Some of the blogs I visit I only go for the photography. New and different ideas for composition rock my world. Seriously.

I am just in love with the idea of communicating visually. I love being able to portray ideas through fonts, concepts and emotions through photography, and translating my intentions onto a publication.

I especially love taking old, poorly done publications and updating them. It makes me so happy!

Shannon, a total sweetheart who I adore and admire, wants to know: Where is your favorite place to go in your city and why?

I LOVE living in Cleveland. LOVE it! There are so many adorable little neighborhoods, such a sense of Cleveland pride, and it's just totally awesome to be living in (or near) a real city again.

My favorite place is perhaps Coventry, a hip little area with a awesome restaurants, a very cool toy store, an art supply store, American Apparel, and lots of coffee shops and bookstores. It's so unique. And I love it.

I also really like University Circle - home to the Botanical Gardens, Natural History Museum, and Cleveland Art Museum. (You might remember I took Mike here for his birthday.) It's also right next to Little Italy, which has amazing restaurants and bakeries. Mmm.

L.C.T.. who loves chocolate and It's a Wonderful Life just like me asks: Not including people, what makes you smile most?

Children. But I guess those are usually considered people, eh? Then either food, photography, or good television. Or perhaps a really good latte. I adore hot beverages - I'll drink hot chocolate any time of the year! Sunshine also makes me smile, as does The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun."

Ashley, one of the few bloggers I've actually met in real life and a wonderful photographer wonders: Okay, maybe I'm behind the times and should know this, but how did you meet your husband? And how did he propose? (I'm a sucker for cute stories).

I was a sophomore in college (at the University of Dayton- woohoo!), he was starting a graduate program. He was a campus minister who lived in a freshman dorm and I heard about him before I met him. My friends gushed about the "cute, new campus minister!!" who played guitar.

Then I met him. And we were "just friends" because it was against the rules for him to date an undergraduate. We ate dinner together in the dining hall all the time, and he came to my aunt's wedding - the whole family got to meet him only two months after I first met him. They adored him. Then I left for a semester in Hawaii, and we talked ALL the time on the phone. And exchanged tons of postcards, emails, and letters. We still insisted we were "JUST FRIENDS."

(He sent me flowers and a package on Valentine's Day with a CD of songs he wrote and recorded for me. Yep, we were just friends.)

Then I came back to Ohio and we decided we wanted to get married eventually. Buuuut, I was only a junior in college. My senior year, he was done with his program so he jetted off to Denver for a year to volunteer. This time, the distance was awful. It was so hard to be apart and I hate almost every minute of it. (Except the fact that I got to spend much more time with my friends and roommates with my boyfriend gone. Woohoo, senior year!)

I spent Christmas with his family that year, and on Christmas morning, he and I opened a stocking that was on our doorknob. A letter was in it from him, telling me that I was going on a scavenger hunt. With riddles. That were associated with our relationship. (One was on the coffeemaker, because he hated coffee before me; one was on the thermostat because I'm constantly cold, things like that.) After 16 different riddles and hunts around his parents house, we ended up by the piano. He sat on the piano bench and instructed me to sit in a chair next to the piano. He gave me a lyric sheet.

He played a song he wrote for me, a song that he had written in the beginning of our relationship without lyrics, a song that had been on my Valentine's Day CD. And now he wrote lyrics about how he wanted to spend his life with me.

At the end of the song, he knelt down and proposed.

The first thing I said?

"How did you afford to buy this? Did you STEAL it?"

Yes, I am so romantic.

{FAQ 3} On food, homemade gifts, and black sheepdom.

Stephanie wonders:
(1) What's your favorite Thanksgiving food? (I'm also a vegetarian and everyone always asks me what I eat on Thanksgiving... hello?! Have they not seen all the side dishes?)

I love to eat. I mean, I know people say that - but I ate more at Thanksgiving this year than my husband did. I'm serious about eating. But I get fully really quickly, so I annoy my family and friends by complaining every five seconds about being full. My sister and I contemplated the benefits of having four stomachs like cows do. It could be great for me. (Not the vomiting part. That would be awful.)

Also, I completely agree with you - being a vegetarian is no punishment on Thanksgiving! Fifty bajillion wonderful side dishes means I don't have to eat any of that gross bird. {I don't even eat Tofurkey, because I don't like the taste. But that's another story.}

Back to your question, I'd say my favorite side dish is sweet potatoes if they're done right. Mashed potatoes (I eat them with homemade cranberry-citrus sauce) are delicious, too!

(2) Are you planning on making Christmas gifts again and, if so, what do you plan on making?

Yes! I'm all about handmade - less packaging, less expensive, less commercial Christmas stress, and more personalized! Since my sisters usually read this blog (hi guys!), all I'll say is I'll be making things similar to what is in my Etsy store, food and bath salts in jars like last year, and even trying to make soap! (The internet has so many resources. It makes me happy.)

Steph (Corwin) asks: When was your first break-away-from-the-pack moment? You know since you're such a crazy compared to your family ;) Is there some defining moment in your life when you realized you were different from your family, or were you always that way?

My parents always really supported me when I was growing up. I was very much their "golden child," {I'm not just saying this, it's true. Very silly, but true.} because I was into my faith and did well in school. They'd tell my siblings to be more like me. {Weird, right?}

A few distinct moments stand out when I thought, "I...don't...agree...with my parents?!" Slightly panicked, to be honest. As a people-pleasing, teacher's pet kind of girl, not agreeing with your parents is really, insanely difficult.

Once when I was in middle school, my dad and I were discussing the Nike brand. I expressed concern over sweatshops, to which my dad explained that their wages weren't that bad for that area of the world, and that "at least Nike is creating work there".

"But...just because it's somewhere else doesn't mean they deserve to live like that," I said, surprising even myself for disagreeing with Dad. Intelligent, knows-everything, always-right Dad. We talked about it for a while longer. It was an odd feeling, coming away realizing that, for once, my dad didn't convince me.

My senior year of high school, The War started, and I was honestly confused as to why we were fighting. I asked my dad to explain it to me.

And, again, I came away from the conversation genuinely surprised to find that I still thought it was...not right. I wasn't convinced.

Then I went off to college, where I learned a lot. A lot. I was pushed, challenged, and confronted. I questioned my beliefs and values. I came to conclusions. I grew so much. I did what you're supposed to do in college.

I got to meet crazy, liberal hippies who were religious and so cool and not at all as evil as I had heard. I did a ton of service and then learned about the root causes behind injustices. I tutored immigrants for their citizenship test and wrote letters to my legislators about immigration reform. I went to an immigration rally and was confronted by neo-Nazis. A crazy, radical Christian came on campus and I read his book about Jesus' message of justice, not judgment. I wrote a letter to the Pope about fostering a consistent ethic of life (for a class, I'm not that much of a weirdo!), I led a small group about faith and justice - I was fiercely and wholly passionate.

I took one class called History of Catholicism in the US, and learned that liberalism has always been a plague on the church. It has always been feared. It has always been loathed. And...it lead great things. (The priest faces us and we can understand what he's saying!) I stopped thinking of "liberal" as a bad word because of that class.

I still feel a twinge of guilt when I come to conclusions that are different than my parents, but honestly - I am also very thankful to have such a different view in my own family. It makes me less likely to make sweeping generalizations about people I disagree with, it makes me more willing to find common ground, and it makes me appreciate agreeing with my husband. :)

I'm also proud of myself for staying true to who I am and not burying my real thoughts and feelings in order to stay the golden child. It's hard stuff. And most people will never experience what it's like to firmly disagree with their parents. I don't recommend it, but I do recommend being who you are!

We all want a better world, we just have different ideas of how to get there.

FAQ Round Two.

Can we call them FAQ even if one one person asked the question?

Anyway, a few more questions and their answers...

Lily asks: What were the first changes you made to your life(style) when you decided that living green was a priority for you?

What a great question, Lily! The very first, most important change for me was reducing waste. This has taken different forms as I've grown and learned more in this lifestyle. At first, it was simply getting a water bottle to avoid all the plastic water bottles I was going through. I started to refuse bags at the store if I could just throw what I'd bought in my own big purse-slash-bag. It slowly, naturally spread to other things. One day my senior year of college, we ran out of paper towels in our house. We just started using normal towels instead. And never bought more paper towels. I didn't think twice about it. And we saved tons of money. I am convinced that no one has an excuse to not be doing these things. It's insanely easy to get a water bottle. Or wash your towels instead of getting disposable ones. It saves money and resources. Win-win.

Now, I avoid most all disposable plastic containers (particularly if they're non-recyclable). I make a ton of my own stuff, including cleaning exclusively with baking soda and vinegar. It's all come so easily and has made so much sense.

I still have some areas where I know I can improve - less driving, not getting coffee if I've forgotten my reusable mug at home, keeping the house colder, and so on. I think the more you become aware, the more you are inclined to want to do. And that makes me happy. Nothing seems to take an unusual amount of effort or thought - it's just the way things are done.

Ashley asks: What about your top 5 fave blogs to read and what your fav blog post you've written so far.

Ah! A hard one. I hate picking favorites - because then someone ALWAYS feels left out, you know? Since I am often one who feels left out (I am so sensitive that I am sad when a blogger I love doesn't have me in their blogroll. It's pathetic.), I'm going to a few awesome blogs that might be under the radar, how's that? Those bloggers who I love and think, More people need to read this!

Hilary @ Alt Christian.
Callina @ The Gingerbread House.
Sara @ Walk Slowly, Live Wildly.

And a few bloggers I've discovered fairly recently and love them to bits. (Hi Kyla Bea and Nicole Antoinette!)

My favorite blog post I've written might be my post for Steph's summer contest about summers at my grandparent's growing up. I had such a unique childhood with my growing up overseas, and sometimes that part of me gets buried, so it was kinda of romantic to remember.

Laura asks: How did you find the courage to open your shop & how do you keep yourself motivated?

Ha. Truth be told, I often act and then think. So, with my Etsy shop, it wasn't so much an issue of having courage - mostly because I figured, Eh, let's give this a shot. We'll see how it goes. Maybe people will like what I create?

I haven't sold a ton yet, so I'm probably not the best person to ask about motivation. I get so much inspiration from books and photos and other Etsy creations that if I happen to be successful with my Etsy shop (when, not if! power of positive thinking, right?), I'm not concered about motivation. There are so many beautiful things in the world. Plus, I aspire to do many things - add candles, soap, and graphic design services. So, I already have big plans and motivation!

I say you go for it, create that Etsy shop! What have you got to lose, honestly?

And I want to share my latest creations for my brand-spankin-new Etsy shop.

Blue Dots Tote $13, Purple Birds Boxy Pouch $5, Hot Pink Star Mini Pouch $4.25