Ditzily is TOTALLY an Adverb.

I mentioned I was pulled over last Wednesday night for speeding. Going 85 in a 65, to be exact.

I've gotten pulled over three times in my seven years of driving. (And, um, all three in the past year or two. Is that bad?). But I have yet to get a ticket. Wanna hear my stories? Okay, well I'm going to tell you anyway.

1. On my way to babysitting, I was speeding along some country suburban (they seemed country to me, which is why I was speeding). I was running late (as always) and noticed a police car behind me at a red stoplight. As soon as the light turned green, the officer flipped his lights on. Damn. I couldn't find my insurance OR registration, and my licence? I lost copy I got when I turned 21, so I carry around a copy from 2002. (I lost it November 2006, as proof of WHAT A SLACKER I am, I have not yet replaced it. Seriously.) The officer told me I was speeding 15 or 20 mph over, then took my license and went back for, like, 3 hours. (Seriousllly, what do they do for so long?! Check their Twitters and Facebook?)

He came back, gave me my license and told me to drive more safely. No warning about not having a current license or insurance or friggin' SPEEDING, the very REASON I GOT PULLED OVER. (But, Officer, I'm not going to argue, and of course I will drive more slowly.)

For the sake of sharing the wealth, let's explore the possibilities for why I avoided a ticket.

Why: I'm white (Unfortunately, we have admit there is racism and we get more leniency in this department. You can argue.) I was wearing a halter top and skirt (another related possible why: I'm a woman. Who's young. Officers are often men. Let's be real, here.). I was late to babysitting. I've never gotten a ticket.

2. My youngest sister, brother, cousin, husband and I were driving near the country and the kids were encouraging us to do a Chinese Fire Drill. Mike is quite the fun guy and had done it with them before and they loved it. Being the daredevils we are (and wanting to retain the "cool" status with the 'tweens in the backseat), we stopped in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD (nope, not at a stoplight or stop sign) and pulled a Chinese Fire Drill. There was no one around, so I figured we were safe.

Wait. Except that cop who just turned around is now pulling us over. Dang.

"What did I just see right there? Because it looked to me like a Chinese Fire Drill."

I told the cop, in one long breath,

"Oh no, Officer! He's not from around here and wanted me to drive so no one was coming so we switched places then my siblings and cousin in the back wanted to do a Chinese Fire Drill [nervous laughter] so they changed places but I didn't tell them to."

The cop had a word with Mike to make sure he wasn't drinking and trying to avoid a DUI (I think the three kids in the backseat helped Mike's case.)

Result: No ticket. No warning.

Why: The story? And perhaps the fact that he was probably secretly laughing at us.

3. Driving from here to my parents' house 3.5 hours away. Trying to get there in time to go out to dinner with three of my siblings and a friend. So I started going 85 (way fast for me). 30 minutes later, a copper pulls me over. (I'm awful at spotting cops. Just awful.) I had braked a few seconds before I passed him, so I wasn't going SO fast. But still.

My insurance? Outdated copy. My licence? Still the one from 2002.

Result: A written warning! And a verbal warning that I'd get cited for no insurance if I'd gotten a ticket. NOTHING about an expired-for-three-years licence.

Why!?: I'm convinced it's the story:

"Ma'am (ma'am!?), I pulled you over for speeding. Do you -"

"I know! I'm so sorry, a great song came on the radio and I sped up without realizing it! Then I looked at my speedometer and slowed down."

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

(shrugging ditzily) "70...something?"

*!Amendment!* I've gotten one ticket. For going through a red light. It was one of those cameras that caught me. We definitely watched the video half a dozen times, laughing at my insistence that "I did NOT run a red light!". It was taken at 6:05pm; I was trying to get to Mass at 6pm. Of course I'm going to run a red light. God wanted me to. (I'm convinced I could have gotten out of it if it hadn't been a machine issuing the ticket.)