Thursday, November 6, 2008

R-E-G-R-E-T, Find Out What it Means to Me.

Regret is a funny thing.

I know many people proudly claim that they "live without regrets," but I must admit that, sometimes, I regret.

Sometimes, I regret little things...

Sometimes, I regret spending three bucks on a latte because the espresso is all burnt-tasting.

Sometimes, I regret when I started dying my hair, because now I'm addicted.

Sometimes, I regret wearing those shoes today, because I forgot how much they hurt.

Sometimes, I regret eating that extra cookie, because oh-my-goodness! I am full.

Sometimes, I regret signing up for this NaBloPoMo thing, because I'm awful at planning ahead.

Lately, though, a little part of me has been regretting my college major.

There, I said it.

I don't know why I feel more compelled to confess and ruminate over things when I write them down, but there you have it.

I haven't yet admitted it, not even to myself, but I secretly wonder: What if I had majored in something I actually wanted to be? What if I had a Visual Communication Design degree right now, instead of contemplating spending $21,000 to get a third bachelors degree? What if I had taken more time to explore the fields instead of focusing on just acing my classes?

You probably noticed I didn't come back from my meeting with the academic advisor jubilant and bubbling. That's because it will take me FOUR years, going part-time for three of those years, to get a B.A. in VCD. Not to mention $21K.

My head is swirling with decisions of where to get the education to launch my graphic design (what I hope will be) career - two years or four? $4,200 or $21,000? Community college or reputable school?

I drive myself crazy calculating and hemming and hawing over what my choice will mean. I ask myself if this is even what I really want to do. What if I spend that money and am WRONG?

Then I saw this quote on a blog I adore:

Don’t think about it too much. Don’t make pro and con lists. Pro and con lists are nothing but trouble. If you think about it too much, you’ll just end up staying home and then someday you’ll be telling your grandchildren, “I always wanted to do that” instead of showing them photos of the trips you took and giving them advice on where to go. My family and friends often say to me, “I’m living vicariously through you.” Don’t ever live vicariously. This is YOUR life. Live.

-Lavinia Spalding

...and I felt like I had opened a well-timed fortune cookie. The questions are still difficult to wrestle with, the decision overwhelming.

But I can do it.


  1. That is one of the most beautiful quotes I have ever read.

    You'll find the answer you're looking for eventually Ash.

    I just know it.

    p.s - I hope you don't mind me calling you Ash. I realized after I typed it that some people hate certain nicknames, so please, feel free to tell me to shove a sock in it and never call you that again :D

  2. You can do it. Do what you want, what you know will make you happy. This is your life. The money and the time? They don't really matter in the long run. What matters is that you made the decision that will make you happy. Who cares if you are spending $21K if it will make you that much better in your future career? You deserve it.

  3. Definitely do what will make you happy. (I'd say money doesn't matter but, it does)! But if you have a chance to do something you love, do what you love.

  4. I'm with ya ! I have a psych degree, but all I really want to do is geek out and learn design and development. I took two classes at a community college, and wish I'd kept going. You have to keep me/us posted on the decisions you make - I can't decide if I want to go back to school full-time or part-time either. You can totally do this!

  5. It's true. It is your life. What a great quote. And really? I'm pretty sure that everyone, no matter how much they love what they're doing, has second guessed themselves. There's always that lingering thought of, "What if..."

    You just need to remind yourself that you're going to be successful no matter what you end up doing. It's true. No matter what, you're going to be great.

    (PS: You already are great.)

  6. I absolutely ADORE that quote. So true and beautiful.

    As far as figuring out what to do, the answer will come to you. Whether that answer comes in the form of a scholarship to the college or something else, who knows? You will in time, though.


    And while I have regrets like the ones you do, I've got to believe that those regrets, however unimportant they are, are a part of me now. Because while I always regret that extra cookie, that doesn't ever stop me from having it...

  7. I know we're new bloggie friends (is this the lamest start to a comment, like, EVER?) but I'm really enjoying your writing so much.

    Just wanted to say that I adore you right back, and I'm really glad this quote struck a chord with you because it has been on my mind continuously since I first read it.

  8. That is an awesome quote.

    What about just taking the classes you really need to take to get started? My husband doesn't have a degree in what he does (computer related), but commits to constantly learning more. In tech fields, often what you learn in school is outdated by the time you graduate. If you take courses to get to a point where you can score an internship or job in the field, you'll learn so much more than you would in a classroom. And since you already have a degree, you don't need another piece of paper. You can always take more classes to learn new things as you go.

  9. ok. my two cents. because you already have two bachelors degrees i think you can get away with a 2 year program without a doubt. no regrets needed.

    : )

  10. I feel like you left me similar encouragement not too long ago, so I repeat after YOU when I say... YOU WILL DO IT. I know you will.

  11. oh ashley. when i read that quote on nicole's post today, i felt the same way. it was just.. exactly what i needed to hear.

    i'm in the same boat(ish) as you in regards to school.. i could continue the program part time for 1/2 the cost of doing the fulltime program. i'd be able to continue working and saving money.. but i made the decision to apply for fulltime, spend the extra thousands of dollars and hopefully - come away from it with better career opportunities and a whole lot more knowledge.

    good luck making your decision sweetheart. i understand how hard it is, especially when you're trying to decide all of this with these 'uhm, MONEY?!' thoughts running through your head. but you're smart, you'll make the right decision.

  12. LOVED this post! not only was the content honest, warm and insightful, but your writing was fabulous. keep up the good work woman :)

  13. I'm so glad you ended this blog post by saying you CAN do it -- because you totally can! All that matters is that you've got the talent and the drive!

    Go for it Ash! I know that you won't regret it!

    As you said -- financial stability is for losers! ha. For reals though - going after your dreams is way more important! It's just $$ ... and then when you're a famous designer, you can pay off all those loans.

    Life is too short not to chase after your dreams!

    Can't wait to hear more about your journey.

  14. You're so refreshing. Follow your heart and do whatever you feel will make you the happiest.

    p.s., i love that quote!

  15. i know i'm a little late on the comments on this one, but it made me think of a song lyric...
    "i won't regret, cause you can grow flowers, from where dirt used to be."
    -merry happy by kate nash.

  16. Ashley,

    I love that those words managed to inspire you a little--that makes me really happy. I also love that you're unapologetically addicted to Starbucks. I too am a fan. I don't know if you keep a journal when you travel, but I wanted to let you know that I have a book coming out in the spring called “Writing Away, a Creative Guide to Awakening the Journal-Keeping Traveler.” I hope you’ll check it out.

    Good luck with your journey...

  17. I'm in the same place right now. When I graduate in May I will have a degree that doesn't really interest me. Going back to school is daunting (espcially in the financial aspect). But I love the quote and totally agree, I vow to take that quote in and try to live life for me. You can do it too!


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