It was a difficult trip. Both women are suffering. Both women are sad and trying to cope. Both women are frustrated with losing abilities as they grow old. Both women are wonderful, beautiful people.
The grandma in the hospital was depressed and frustrated with herself for falling. She was frustrated with being in a teeny tiny hospital room with no view. She was frustrated with growing old and not making her own decisions anymore. She wants to give up. She also wants to go home. The doctor talks to her children instead of her.
The grandma whose husband passed away spent half of our visit crying and pretending like she was fine. It was heartbreaking. At one point, she broke down into quiet little tears and I grabbed her hand, "We all miss him." She blinks away the tears and asks us how Cleveland is. She deserves to grieve the loss of her husband of almost 70 years. She deserves to cry as much and as often as she wants.
It struck me as we spent time with these wonderful women: I think we, as a society, too often write the elderly off as senile, overly-emotional, suffering from dementia, not deserving of respect, and ultimately - tragically unimportant.
And that realization was the most heartbreaking of all.
Lest you think I am altogether too serious and depressing, this is what I did to entertain myself while visiting:
"Well, I don't think I'd ever be able to do that," said his grandma as I did donuts in her wheelchair.
That is frustrating. I wish our society revered the elderly instead of ignoring them. It's wonderful that you took the time to listen to these amazing ladies.
ReplyDeleteI can't even explain the love, admiration and respect I had for my grandmother when my grandfather passed away last summer. He'd had Alzheimer's for years and had really been "gone" for awhile, but she devoted the last five years of their life together to taking care of him. When he did finally pass, she seemed so lost, like her ultimate purpose in life had been completed. It was so sad, so heartbreaking, and she's still grieving his loss. Their relationship to me was such a testament to true love, and is what i want for my life. I've always admired her, but it just exploded when I witnessed the amazing bond of family we have last year.
ReplyDeleteThis is so hard, we definitely don't live in a society where age is valued, and it's easy to understand how frusterated and disempowering it would be to go through this. And at the same time it's impossible understand.
ReplyDeleteWhen my grand parents and parents are in this position, I know that I need to be there for them as much as you guys are for your grandparents.
No questions asked.
I've already lost one grandparent to MS and Alzheimer's disease. Having to put my grandmother in a facility when her medical needs surpassed my family's abilities was devastating. I often wonder if there were things we could have done differently. The one thing I find solace in is the wonderful hospice at which she spent her last days.
ReplyDeletethis post is making my eyes tear. the elderly make my heart hurt, they are so wise and i have such respect and admiration for them but it has to be so hard.
ReplyDeleteso so hard.
Such a touching post! Thank you for sharing this. I call my grandfather ever week, and we have so much fun talking. I wish there were more older people in my life.
ReplyDeleteI really hope I'm lucky enough to be married to someone I love for almost 70 years.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteI love J's grandpa, but it always makes me so sad when we visit because his grandmother passed a few years ago and some of her things are still in the exact same place as they were the night she was taken to the hospital.
The worst of it is that they're lonely. That I think is the hardest part.
I think you're right. It does seem like we ought to look to those older than us for guidance and advice, rather than pushing them out of the way because it's more convenient for us. I think other cultures do it better - having parents live with them, being a big family and relying on each other, helping each other.
ReplyDeleteI do sometimes feel guilty for not spending more time with my grandparents. I live far away and when I'm home there are always excuses. But I should do better.
And I cannot imagine losing someone after so long together. Heart breaking.
Oh Ashley that is a beautiful post. So beautiful and so true. Older people have so much wisdom, so much insight, so much experience and yet we can so easily write that off. Thank you for spending time with those women and appreciating them!
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me sad. It also makes me happy that you were there for them. I wish grandma in the hospital a speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteAnd a side note? I LOVE the new header and side headers!!!
Thank you for sharing this. It is a much needed reminder of how easy it is to brush off the elderly, and pretend that their needs don't matter anymore. I was a nurse aide for a few years in college and did home health care, and the people I worked with were so alone and simply needed someone to listen to them and care about them. I have promised my parents that I will never put them in a facility, I just hope I can live up to that promise no matter what. And I don't even want to think about what it will be like if I lose my hubby someday- it has to be the hardest thing anyone can go through in this life.
ReplyDeleteEric's 93 year old grandma was in the hospital with a brain tumor earlier this year, and the thing that aggravated me the most was that the doctors and nurses never addressed her directly. What a lack of respect!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing about this--it's so important.
I think it's so great you guys went to visit and brighten their day. It is so tough to be there and be happy and talk normally when there is so much else happening. The pictures are too sweet.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right. And then society realizes what they've missed out on once these people are gone.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me cry, but it also made me so glad-- glad to see how YOU value these wonderful women and realize their worth. They are blessed by you, I'm sure-- just as you are by them!
ReplyDeleteI used to go to our local rest home and play piano when my dad was responsible for the Sunday sermon there, and it always broke my heart. There were so many, many sweet old people who were spending the day all alone, just desperate for some company and something to brighten their day. It was sad, so sad. But I loved going, because I really enjoyed each of them so much! I never, ever want my grandparents or parents to be in that position.
Eric's 93 year old grandma was in the hospital with a brain tumor earlier this year, and the thing that aggravated me the most was that the doctors and nurses never addressed her directly. What a lack of respect!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing about this--it's so important.
Oh Ashley that is a beautiful post. So beautiful and so true. Older people have so much wisdom, so much insight, so much experience and yet we can so easily write that off. Thank you for spending time with those women and appreciating them!
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteI love J's grandpa, but it always makes me so sad when we visit because his grandmother passed a few years ago and some of her things are still in the exact same place as they were the night she was taken to the hospital.
The worst of it is that they're lonely. That I think is the hardest part.
Such a touching post! Thank you for sharing this. I call my grandfather ever week, and we have so much fun talking. I wish there were more older people in my life.
ReplyDelete