Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Roller Coaster of New Motherhood.

Four-and-half days isn't a long time.

But I feel like I've known this boy forever.

Hip hop star

We spend most of our days laughing at his pooping noises, cooing over how cute he is, kissing his little cheeks, and constantly saying, "I just can't believe how much I love him." It's amazing that we are suddenly this little family and our days revolve around learning how to take care of this tiny baby. It's not all mushy love fest, though. Figuring out how to nurse him without my nipples falling off or my chest exploding (I look ridiculous, like a comic book woman - it's funny how I thought I'd be able to sleep on my stomach after giving birth. Ha.) has been an adventure, with some tears along the way.

Sometimes, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm probably doing it all wrong. I worry about his breathing, about whether he's jaundice, about his body temperature, and anything else ridiculous I can possibly find to feel inadequate about. 

Other times, I feel confident in what I am doing. I feel like I am learning my son - how to take care of him, what he needs, and how to make him happy. I remind myself that loving him and trying my best is all I can do right now.

Angel boy.

Each day is a roller coaster with a wide range of emotions - and having my body physically recover from birth only adds the excitement. I think underestimated that the healing process after birth would be physically difficult. I knew, of course, that things would change and my body would be experiencing a trauma - but I guess I expected I'd feel normal a few days later. I'm definitely getting there, though.  Every day, I can do a little more and feel a little less pain. (And on a completely vain note, my stomach is surprisingly not freaky looking at all! When I first got to the hospital, my labor nurse commented that I had no stretch marks. Then, after birth, she told me I have "great muscle tone." So, I may not be getting the hang of nursing so easily, but at least my body knows how to heal, right?)

Aside from now having a sweet little angel baby boy in my life now, seeing Mike as a father has been amazing. I knew he'd be a good father, but I get so weepy when I tell him how amazing he is. He takes care of me, is so protective of Gabe, and is completely in love with him. He loves to spend time just cuddling with Gabe, which melts my heart. I love these two so much.

First sponge bath.
A bit blurry, but it was Gabe's first (sponge!) bath. Complete with hooded towel.
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