On Still Being Me...and Buying Nothing

From reading my blog, it may seem as though being pregnant has somewhat taken over my body, brain, and life - I promise it hasn't! I am still very much me and I still very much have desires, goals, and values independent of the baby I'm now home to. I don't say this to remind you of this; I need to remind myself. Pregnancy is very much an all-consuming state of life - I am physically reminded daily with small aches and pains, my growing belly, and the kicker that is growing inside of me. It would be easy to focus only on this part of my life, but I would lose a bit of myself if I neglected my other passions during these nine months - not to mention how all-consuming parenthood itself will be!

On that note, I've become a bit disappointed with my spending habits lately. I've gotten a wee bit loose with my money - indulging in a few too many lattes and trips to Target. In an effort to nip this in the bud before it snowballs, I've decided to BUY NOTHING from April 15 until May 15. What does this mean exactly?

I can buy:
- Groceries and food.
- Any bills that I have. Of course.
- Supplies FOR my Etsy business (only purchased with business account).

No to:
- Food that comes in disposable containers (i.e. Lattes without my reusable mug and most to-go food).
- Clothes.
- Shoes.
- Baby things (I haven't actually bought ANYTHING for the baby yet, and I don't need to start for a while.)
- Anything else that I might want to purchase.

I did this once before (idea from here) and it was a powerful reminder that I get the urge to buy far more than I was aware. I like to think that am far less of a consumer than the average American, but I know I can do better. After a recent interview I did, I felt a bit guilty not taking my own advice to not purchase things I didn't truly need. I need to get more fit - financially and environmentally - I've been a bit lazy lately.

And I need to get in shape. Let's do this.

And Then I Found Five Dollars.

Good news abounds over here at Our Little Apartment!

1. YOU GUYS. I cannot believe I haven’t told you about this yet, because Lord knows I’ve told my husband, like, five times already.

I’m a Targ-a-holic, right? I’m not in denial –I’m fully aware that if I give myself an excuse, “Oh I need a pair of hose,” then it’s like a gateway drug into the wonderful red and white world that is Target. I’ll plan on getting a pair of hose and come out with nearly a $100 worth of $1 specials, red tag clearance, and clothes made in Guatemala. So I lie to myself to make it more bearable – just getting a bottle of shampoo, but, oh wow! Look, this hair dye is on sale CLEARANCE (oh, how I LOVE CLEARANCE), must get some! And check out that lip gloss, more clearance! And so on.

Last Friday, I was going down that road. I get out of work at noon on Fridays (BEST! PART! OF! MY! JOB! Oh…wait, the kids are great, too.) and was planning on replenishing my hair product and contact solution supplies, since I was running low due to the Buy Nothing challenge in April. I planned on swinging by Target to pick them up; using the excuse that Target has super cheap contact solution – never mind that Target is 13 miles away from my work. (What is the DEAL with all my excuses?) I had daydreams of gliding my red shopping cart down Targets aisles, going wild with the ability to finally SHOP! Imagining myself guilt-free, grabbing things off the shelves and throwing them in my cart. I envisioned finding an adorable spring trench coat, whirling around in it and enjoying how cute I felt.

Do you believe that I have an addiction now? I’m hallucinating, people. About Target. Oy.

Anyway, as I was looking up directions on Google maps* (far superior to MapQuest, let’s be honest) and calculated I’d be driving about 23 miles, or a gallon of gas, just to feed my addiction. In reality, all I needed was some contact solution and miracle curl spray to get by (“Need” and “Get by” are obviously relevant terms). A red cart full of unnecessary crap was, well, unnecessary. It was painful to admit this to myself, but I DIDN’T NEED TO GO TO TARGET. (!) In fact, I’d be wasting gas and spending more money if I went to Target. I decided to stop at the drugstore on the way home and see if I couldn’t fulfill my “needs” there. CVS? Had their contact solution on SALE. Booyah. My only splurge was the clearance Burts Bees lip gloss. And four bucks is a lot less than the damage Target would have done.

Pretty excited that I was able to withstand Target’s magnetic forces. I guess consciously not purchasing anything for a month made me at least a little stronger against complete consumerism.

2. PLUS!! My post about my experience with Buy Nothing and tests has been chosen (by the wonderful Tipp) to be a part of the 20 Something Bloggers Carnival, Third Edition. I’m SO psyched about this, so please go check out my entry and the other winners. And be my friend on 20SB while you’re at it – it’s a pretty fantastic group of people.

3. And want to know MORE good news? This is a three day work week; because I have a work retreat I’m going on Thursday and Friday. It’s a FUN work retreat – I get to see my siblings, too, because they’re only 30 minutes from the retreat. (Side note: Yesterday, I called my mom to talk about coming up and spending the night tonight, and my freshman college sister who’s home for the summer tells me my parents are leaving for BRUSSELS that afternoon. News to me! But I guess that’s our family rolls, as I’ve traveled to Vancouver and London before without letting my parents know ahead of time.) For the 3.5 hour drive up tonight, I picked up some chick lit on CD to keep me entertained as I drive. (NPR is usually my choice car companion, but for longer trips I like to fill my head with fluff.)

4. With last weekend’s trip to the in-laws and this retreat, I have an apology that’s in order:

Dear Fellow Bloggers,
I am a wee bit behind in my Google Reader (66 posts to read, to be exact)– meaning my comments have been really sparse lately. I won’t kid myself saying you miss them, but I feel guilty because you’ve written some really great stuff! So, *mwah,* I love you, you’re awesome.
I’ll be less busy soon, I promise.
Ashley

5. Thanks for the fantastic, helpful responses to my last quandary. It made me think about my blog and who reads it. I'm really considering sharing it with more people that I know...But we'll see. I guess it's better to tell people than for them to find it on their own, right? I'll just voice my complaints through What the Hell!? Wednesdays. :) But, I know I definitely do NOT want to have my blog link on Facebook. Or, at least, I think I don't....

*Enviro Tip: Don’t print off your driving directions if possible – just write them on scrap paper! (Or at the very least, PRINT them on scrap paper.) J C’mon, it’s not that hard!

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

I rock at tests.

I do.

All I’m saying is; tests don’t scare me. At the risk of being obnoxious and having you guys toss glares in my direction (especially those of you currently studying for finals), I have to tell you – I am so competitive that I see tests as another way to excel. The validation that comes from an “A” was always the ultimate success for me. My competitive streak (again, think: Monica Gellar. Yes, it’s that bad.) also compelled me to sneak furtive glances at others around me, comparing my own grade to theirs. It was even more gratifying if I did better than someone else. (I am horrible, aren’t I?)

Yes, I am that girl. But I am not, repeat NOT, an overachiever. Never have been. I do the minimum to be able to get an A, nothing more. Does that make me a little better?

Being out of school means I no longer have that holy grail – a 4.0 GPA – by which to measure my self-worth and success. Honestly, I was nervous when graduating college that I wouldn’t be compelled to work hard without a measurable sign of achievement. Thankfully, I don’t think that has been the case. (But since I’m totally still a people pleaser, I just cannot get away from my need to feel an outside source affirm my sense of worth.)

Wait, I’m not writing to talk about my academic tests or my own need for affirmation. Nope, I want to talk about another kind of test we’re facing. As a country, we’re facing a final exam. A “do or die” kind of exam. And, to be honest, we’ve shown up a bit late to the test compared to other developed nations.

On this test, there are only two questions:

• How much do you care about your planet/the environment?


• How much are you willing to change to reflect that?
  

The results of the test are coming in, and it seems to be a split verdict. Most Americans are of the “Yeah, I could change my light bulbs. Sure, gimme a cloth bag” persuasion. And that’s fantastic. Every little bit adds up, right?

But at the same time, I think we need to recognize that if we aren’t willing to challenge ourselves or change at all, we can’t expect a dramatic difference. (And the scientists are pretty unanimous that we desperately need a dramatic difference. Not to go all End! Of! The! World! on ya, but...)

If we don’t challenge companies to make swift steps in becoming more sustainable and less of a problem to our environment, things won’t change. We vote with our money. With this in mind, I decided to test my convictions and put my money where my mouth was. Or something like that.

This past month, I’ve embarked on a little test of myself – could an retail therapy advocate, Target lover, and self-professed crunchy 20-something not buy ANYTHING for a month? Notwithstanding food – both eating out and grocery shopping – I pledged to not purchase any new goods in the entire month of April.

How did it go?

Actually, I hadn’t expected it to be much of a change from any other month. Being married and away from my mom and sisters (the true shopping mavens), I just don’t go shopping much. Shopping isn’t really an activity for me; I don’t particularly enjoy shopping. It’s just such a hassle to find cute clothes whose price tags don’t make me balk, hassle find a salesperson to let me in a fitting room, bother taking off my clothes, and subjecting myself to the fluorescent lighting of the fitting rooms. *Shudder* But I digress.

So, I took the Buy Nothing pledge, testing my ability to just say no to consumerism for one whole month. 30 days. Piece of cake; I’m fairly broke and don’t have much opportunity for shopping. I expected to get another A – it’d be a little competition with myself, expectedly with satisfactory results.

It didn't meet my expectations.

For once, though, I can let down my competitive, rule-abiding, affirmation-seeking side and admit that it’s what you learn from a test, not the results of the test that is the real measure of your success. If I had been graded on this test, I surely wouldn’t get an A. (Or an ‘O’ for outstanding, if we’re doing it old-school). After all, I cheated. I BROKE THE RULES. (!) I had an interview “emergency” and spent $42.31 on a blouse and jacket (which, by the way, I totally regret that jacket purchase. Totally makes me look pregnant. And God knows I don’t need any more family members wondering about that.).

I learned something: I am capable of going without. Sure, I “needed” a few things throughout the month, but instead of the instant gratification of jumping in the car and driving a few miles to get a bottle of contact solution or some hangars, I was creative. I made do.

It's true, this small test isn't huge impact. It was a few hundred people - but imagine the repercussions. Imagine us all deciding to be more creative when we "need" something. Thrifting and borrowing instead of hitting up Target (it still pains me a little to say that.). Insignificant, maybe. But influential, definitely.

So what does it all mean?

It means we can all be stronger than we think if we test ourselves.

It means unless we challenge ourselves to new things, we can't expect anything new - whether that's an improved work situation, world, or bad habit.

It means we can't limit ourselves by our previous notions of ourselves.

It means it's not too late to change.

(And I'm still working on that people-pleasing, desperate-for-affirmation habit.)

Jump For Joy!

Yes, am so lame, I took a picture of this picture because I have no scanner.

Just a quick note to say: I GOT A JOB IN CLEVELAND.

It's working with college freshman. It's only a one year position. And...we'll be living in a 4 bedroom gorgeous house (2 fireplaces! a screened in back porch! wood floors!)...with another girl. (It's a long story - the job must provide food and housing as a part of it. Weird, but nice.)

Yes, it might be a little weird, but I'm so excited about the actual job and location, I could care less about the potential disaster living and working with the same person could be. So, don't remind me of this blissful ignorance if I might be complaining in a few months.

For now, I'm just SO EXCITED to be moving and starting something new!

PS: Notice how I fixed my SD memory card instead of going and buying a new one?? I had no idea you could reformat it on your camera. Thanks to my challenge, I had to find out. Fixing instead of buying ROCKS. It's not the laziest decision, but it saves money!

Buy Nothing '08

Ladies, I appreciate the kind, awesome empathizing y'all showed me when I was so upset. This job is NOT permanent, it's a one to two year position. So, yeah. I am learning a lot and growing because of difficult situations, but it's difficult. And I should probably stop talking about work in case I want a job someday and someone comes across my little blog and won't hire me because I'm a whiner about work. Whew.

Anyhow, it's been 10 whole days of April, so I figured I should give an update about how Buy Nothing is going.

Things I want to buy but can't:

• A new SD memory card for my camera. My puny one (512 MB) has stopped working for some reason. (Excitedly telling me it had "No Image!" and "Memory Full!" simultaneously.)
• Hair products! My mousse and curl spray are almost out. (And you know how I love wearing my hair* curly now!) Thank God my interview this Monday is over the phone. (Yes, a job interview. Maybe that helped me feel better yesterday...) Also, I will have to stop being lazy and break out my flat iron.
• Clothing. Last weekend, I was going to Columbus for a conference and SO BADLY wanted to stop and shop. Not because I need anything in particular. To be honest, I can't shop with Mike. He's so freaking reasonable and asks questions like, "Why do you need that?" I feel guilty and materialistic. So being alone, I wanted to stop and just see if I could find a cute spring trench coat. Or maybe a pair of flats. Or, you know, some retail therapy.
• Really, that's all. So far, I have not slipped up. Grocery shopping is my new retail therapy.

The part I realized I have more of a problem with is disposable, individually packaged food. Like coffee stirrers, sushi containers, Panera stuff (organic chocolate milk juice box and a chocolate croissant. The cashier made fun of me for my child-like lunch), sandwiches with wrappers, and plastic straws for my iced caramel macchiatos, because let's face it, the best part is sipping straight caramel through straw as it mixes with the milk and espresso. It's just not the same without a straw! Although - my threat to myself that I could not have coffee if I forgot my travel coffee mug was verrry powerful. I have not left my travel mug at work in TEN DAYS. This is pretty much a miracle for me. (I'm the kind of person who puts leftover spaghetti in the freezer, cereal in the fridge, and milk on the pantry shelf. And, most recently, lost my husband's bank card without realizing it. Thank God for honest, kind joggers.)

It's been a bit of a challenge, but not too difficult (so far). I need to do better in my disposable usage (No Impact Man has a great list up today to get me started.) I'd save more money if I forced myself not to drive to work. Maybe this summer when it's nice out and I don't have to work until 8:30 at night, I'll break out the bike as my mode of transportation...

* PLEASE disregard those gross pictures of me. Don't judge.

Library Lovin' & Lots O' Links

It's much easier to not buy new things when you can get an endless supply of free movies, TV shows, books, and cookbooks from the library.

I LOVE the public library! LOVE it. Libraries are hidden gems, totally underutilized (especially by 20 somethings).

Even when I was in college, I had a library card to the public library system (two, actually) in the city. My freshman year, I'd walk the two miles to the nearest public library. Because I'm pretty much addicted to the library. (You can judge me and/or call me a dork. That's okay with me.)

Happy Saturday. I'm off to go for a run on this gorgeous, sunny afternoon. (And then make some granola. Yum!)

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Yesterday as we were wheeling our bikes out of the grocery store parking lot, Mike said:

At first, I saw a Prius, and I was like, "Yeah Prius! Woohoo!" then I was like, "You know what's better than a freaking Prius?!? Riding your effing bike to the store!"

He then proceed to analyze how Americans just love to purchase stuff. ANY stuff, especially if that stuff is supposed to be good for us. We can be "green" and still be hardcore consumers! Have our cake and eat it, too! All is good in the world!

That mentality is obviously wrong in so many ways, but it's not surprising - billions of dollars get pumped into the marketing and advertising industry in this country. People are paid to make us think we need more stuff. Lots of stuff. And we do like to shop - it's practically our national pastime.

Let's think about exercise for a minute, shall we? Our grandparents didn't have to exercise - they had chores and walked or biked places. They got fresh air because computers, video games, and TVs didn't keep them inside all day. They didn't have to carve out special time for exercise, they just stayed in shape doing everyday activities.

Today? We have machines and tools to make our lives easier -- from our power vacuum cleaners and lawn mowers to the car-centric suburbs...As a result, we have to do less physical work. Which I'm sure many people would praise. But then, since we sit at a desk and/or in a car most of the day, we either get fat or have to haul ourselves to the gym and jump on another machine to get into shape.

I'm totally a product of this culture - on my college campus, everyone was constantly either on their cellphones or listening to their ipod. But I wonder if it sort of ruins our sense of community when everyone is always by themselves - in their car alone, or on a treadmill with their earbuds stuck in their ears, or chatting on their cellphone as they walk their dog around the block. A professor in college mentioned one day that if we run or walk outside while listening to music, we miss so much. We miss the chance to clear our minds and be connected with what is around us.

At first, I balked. I ran to be in shape, my ipod made it more bearable. But then I tried it - running at night with no music, just the street in front me. I became addicted. (Check out this ode to running on my old blog.)

Now, I'm glad we live somewhere we can walk across the street for some coffee or ride our bikes to the market. I like to be outside and interact with people! And get exercise while doing something else, instead of forcing myself to because I'm "supposed to" and because "it's healthy." (Bonus: If you bike or walk places, you are likely supporting local businesses. Unless you happen to live really close to a suburban-sprawl-chain-store-strip-mall area.)

I guess what I'm really wondering is: Why can't we just simplify instead of making everything so complicated??

When I lived in Hawaii, this was my only mode of transportation.

What was Hawaii like, you ask?

Well, that was my school.

And that was my chubby self after working at Cold Stone :)

Yep, I liked it there.

I Need Spring. Now, Please.

Mike and I dusted off our awesome $10 thrift store bikes last night and celebrated the 60 degree weather with a bike ride to the grocery store. The store is 3 ½ miles from our apartment, so I figured I'd get a little exercise and some fresh air to improve my mood.

Result: Sweating, panting Ashley glaring at talkative Mike as he effortlessly glides up the hill.

Conclusion: I am out of shape.* (Also, I gained a pound this morning! After biking for an hour yesterday!)

Since last night was my last time going to the grocery store before I enact our no-convenience food/no new stuff month, I went all out:

- Gen Soy chocolate bar (non GMO soy nuts, thank you)
- Amy's Spinach Pizza
- Frozen Brussels sprouts in low fat butter sauce
- Grapefruit
- 1 Vitamin Water (for the taste, not for the vitamins, Mike!)

What a dinner, eh?

Also, Today I went to the coffee shop and realized - I will have to bring my own spoon from now on so I don't waste a wooden stirrer stick. (They use bulk raw sugar cubes, though - yay!)

I'll have none of your kind. (Except in mah reusable travel mug! Then I LOVE you!)

*Tonight I will be watching Biggest Loser in lieu of actually working out.

PS: Donate to Emily.