Turn that Frown Upside Down.

Today was frustrating.

I may have sworn at my computer more times than I'd like to admit.  (CSS rollover images NOT working on my new site. Despite the fact that I spent hours upon hours trying to make them work. Bleh. ANYWAY.)

I got a headache.

Then I took a second vitamin instead of acetaminophen because I am absentminded. Then I ate a pound of green beans (I have weird eating habits).

If you've had a less-than-awesome day as well and need a little cheering up, I offer you these:

Not only is he a techno baby, he can help but shake his tail feather...

Just Dance. from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

And most every time he wakes up from his nap, it goes a little like this...

Post-Nap Jumpfest from Ashley Marie on Vimeo. 

And, finally, if you'd like to hear how talkative Gabe is:

Dinner Time. from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

And now I shall go chase my sweet little baby around the apartment to improve my mood.

(If you don't have a sweet little baby, maybe eat some ice cream instead. Or a giant bowl of Fruit Loops. Or a cupcake. Or a lot of chocolate chips. Or go work out if you're one of those.) (Those: I am jealous of you and wished I worked out when I was sad. You are awesome.)

A Quarter of a Million Dollars in Eighteen Years, They Say!

We hear ALL. THE. TIME. about how darn expensive babies are. But what no one talks about is the ways babies save you money.

Yes, you read that right: Gabe has saved us money.

Say WHAT?

Let's discuss:

- I feel like stopping for Starbucks on the way to get groceries, but Gabe has fallen asleep in the backseat and I really don't feel like waking him up. Money saved weekly: $5

- I'm running into Target for some mouthwash and Spin Pins (I lost my first set and they are essential for long-haired girls!). I don't feel like dealing with a cart, so I decide to just hold Gabe and run in and out, thereby avoiding checking out the clothing department, the baby department, and every end cap clearance section. Money saved weekly: $50

- In the first month Gabe was home, we didn't go out to eat like we normally do a few times a month. Instead of our usual budget of $75 for going out to eat, we spent $15. (Okay, so this hasn't really been as gigantic of a savings in the month since, but we certainly go out to eat less since it's more of a hassle with a baby.) Money saved weekly: $20

- While running errands, I drive past a cupcake shop/Target/fun little store and instead of getting out and indulging, I drive right by - since the hassle of getting Gabe out of his car seat and back in would negate any enjoyment I find in said cupcake. (I need a roller coaster harness in my car instead of a car seat. Push a button, Gabe is strapped in. Presto.) Money saved weekly: $10

- Buying new clothes for Gabe is far more exciting than buying clothes for myself these days. I know he'll look absolutely adorable in anything without having to try it on. I, on the other hand? Not so much. Since baby clothes are cheaper than adult clothes, I can spent $30 and get him six outfits. $30 would get me maybe three shirts. (Bargain shoppers, unite!) Money saved weekly: $20

Total money saved each week: $105. 

Plus, I'm hyper-motivated to cut corners so we can afford for me to only work part-time. (Hellooo, cloth diapering while traveling.)

Here's to half-full glasses, my friends. And money-saving babies.

Just June.

This is my life. The ukulele is a staple in it right now.

We've begun to settle into a routine of sorts this summer. Our days start with coffee and breakfast together (around the table - we're doing an experiment where we don't eat on the couch....that's the whole experiment: eat like civilized people), followed by a few hours of designing and answering emails while Gabe practices walking around the edge of everything he can get his chubby little hands on.

My work station: MacBook, chalkboard, coffee, and juice water. And, yes, I need a more sophisticated way to keep track of clients. Suggestions? (I have a spreadsheet, too. I'm not completely inept.)

I am home for two entire months, and Mike only works in the afternoons four days a week - this means we get a lot of family time. And I get a lot of time to work. My design work is really bustling and keeping me on my toes. I also had a photo shoot last weekend (squee!) and I was even able to finagle some sewing time this week. I don't know whose idea it was to put my entire sewing machine/fabric/crafty bits in Gabe's room, but it makes it difficult to sew during nap time. 

Sweet, sweet success.

I also updated my Etsy shop with all kinds of earrings and coasters and reusable coffee sleeves. It's been so quiet for many months, so I'm hoping to breathe some life into it. (Have I mentioned that getting things done with a baby is challenging? Oh, just yesterday? Okay, then.)

I packed away more of Gabe's clothes - and realized he has more hoodies that currently fit him than I do. What can I say? I love a baby with a hood.

This is a *3T* Snoopy hoodie we snagged from the thrift store. It's my favorite thing in existence.

We finally bathed our child for the first time in ages. Bathing babies daily is overrated - it's like with clothes, no need to wash unless they're visably dirty, am I right? (I'm not right? I'm just gross and an awful mother? Well.) Giving him a bath has gone from a pain to an-activity-that-keeps-him-busy-and-I-can-read-Bossypants-in-the-bathroom. I think there will be more baths in our future.

We also started a garden, which, judging from our history, is likely to end up in dead plant nubbins. Only time will tell.

Gabe hamming it up at the apartment community garden.

I finally took a few photos with the nine month stickers and just couldn't help but share this face:

Because, really.

If I were a kid, I'd probably call this summer 'boring.'

But as an adult? It's pretty wonderful.

And now I think we'll go for a long walk with my boys and pick up this book from the library.

Summer Adventures, Part III: Asheville.

 Our trip to Asheville could be summed up in three(ish) words: Food, Friends, and Lost Wallet.

Food: So much goodness. Sweet potato pancakes with whipped peach butter butter. A vegetarian Havana Cuban with swiss cheese, tempeh, black bean spread, and pickles. Rooibos iced tea with local honey. Salted dark chocolate caramels. Red wine-infused dark chocolate truffles topped with a crystalized rose. Indian street food (potato samosas with a sweet chickpea stew) and chai tea. Pimento grilled cheese and cream of mushroom soup. Strawberry lemonade. A grilled sweet potato and goat cheese burrito. A peanut butter and marshmallow sundae. A delightfully flaky croissant. A bagel sandwich with arugula, swiss cheese, and egg. And plenty of coffee.


True to our vacation motto – we ate and walked. And that's pretty much it. We saw all sorts of interesting things and people and musicians. Asheville is a fun little town with a vibrant downtown. We really, really enjoyed our time there.

Gabe even got to experience a swimming pool for the first time at our hotel! :) He was unsure about his feelings on the matter. (And that top right photo is GABE KISSING ME. I love his sweet kisses so very much.)

Friends:

We had an impromptu meet up with two friends (and one husband of a friend) from college. They live in Nashville and Atlanta, so we don't get to see them as much as we'd like. It was so much fun. Gabe got to hang out with his godmother and I enjoyed getting to see Elizabeth, who is a few months pregnant with their first child. We ate, we visited the drum circle, and we walked forever in pursuit of a coffee shop that doesn't exist.

Lost Wallet: So, I lose things a lot. A LOT. But I've never lost my wallet long enough to actually have to deal with it – canceling credit cards and getting a new driver's license and all that. And I've certainly never lost my wallet on a vacation. But I did. We had $56 and no credit cards or IDs. Mike left his wallet at home and realized it 15 minutes into our trip, but I assured him I had my wallet, so no worries. Sometime between visiting a chocolate shop and getting to our hotel room, I lost my wallet and no amount of backtracking or scouring the city, parking garage, hotel, and car turned it up.

Lesson learned: have your phone number in your wallet. If someone found it, they'd have no way of contacting me. Blerg. (Thankfully, Kat spotted us some gas money and my mom broke into our apartment and overnighted us Mike's wallet.)

Despite the whole wallet fiasco, Asheville was wonderful. I'd love to go back and try even more restaurants. Mmm, food.

 Friday night drum circle. So fun and quirky.

All's well that ends well. :)

More photos here +
Summer Adventures, Part I: Dayton.
 Summer Adventures, Part II: NYC.

And now we're on day seven of our vacation, and day four of our beach vacation with the in-laws... being at the beach with a baby is quite the adventure!

The Entirely-Too-Long Breastfeeding Post.

The following is a post documenting my experiences with breastfeeding. It includes words like 'boobs' and 'nipples.' It’s certainly not meant to make those who weren’t able to, or chose not to, breastfeed feel guilty – I just wanted to finally share the first eight months of this journey in its entirety.

When I shared Gabriel’s birth story last fall, I briefly mentioned that he nursed shortly after he was born. What I glossed over, though, was that it wasn’t as easy or as intuitive or as beautiful as I’d been told it would be. The books I’d read, our childbirth instructor, and the breastfeeding class we took, all promised us that if the birth was unmedicated, the baby wasn’t bathed immediately, and the mother was able to hold the baby without delay – the baby could find the breast itself! The baby would latch on right away! Sunshine! Rainbows! Happy nursing! So natural!

Um, no.

What did happen: I got meconium (newborn poop) on my boob (full of post-birth endorphins, I happily chirped to my labor nurse, “I feel like a real mom now!”) and Gabe had zero interest in nursing. He didn’t latch on and he didn’t do anything except stare at me wide-eyed. So I just held his little body against mine for an hour, basking in the feeling of holding the one I’d felt inside of me for months. Basking in an indescribable love and newness and so much happiness I can’t even encapsulate it in words. It’s this rising feeling I get in my heart when I think about holding my fresh, new baby close to me, cradling his little body for the first time and gazing into each other’s eyes.

Getting swept up in the moment here. Ahem. Sorry about that.

After a while, the post-birth hormones waned and a wall of tiredness slammed into me. We both went to sleep. After all, it was 4 am, preceded by 24 hours of labor, including two and a half HOURS OF PUSHING (I’m not bitter at all about that anymore. Nope.). In the back of my mind, I was a bit concerned that he didn't really care about nursing, but brushed it off, since I was exhausted.

The next day, I attempted to nurse Gabe a few more times, but it just felt off. He didn’t really latch on well and when he did latch on, he sucked away like a little barracuda. (Mike had several hickeys on his biceps from Gabe.) I had no idea what I was doing. I was lost and a bit confused. And fairly concerned the first day or two would get totally screwed up by my lack of ability to figure out how cram the baby onto the boob.

Then, while my parents were visiting, the lactation consultant, Penny, came to see us (and with a mere, “Are you experiencing any nipple soreness?” had my dad ushering my family out of the room). She tested Gabe’s sucking reflexes, and determined that he was a 'vigorous sucker' but dealt with an 'uncoordinated sucking reflex'. (Basically: once he's got latched on, he'd suck like crazy, but so frantically that he didn't latch well.) Upon hearing that I was, indeed, experiencing major soreness, she toyed with the idea of introducing a shield or having me pump, but decided against it. She watched us nurse, had us try some different holds, and told us to aim for 30 minutes. I couldn’t get him to go more than three minutes, and was so, so defeated.

Although things weren’t perfect, Penny was amazing. She empowered us and I trusted her information. Since Gabe wasn’t keen on nursing, she showed me how to hand-express colostrum onto a spoon and feed him with it. She explained that recent studies showed that hand-expression led to my milk coming in more quickly. She showed us the best holds for newborns. She told us how to flip Gabe's bottom lip under to get a wider latch. She gave us a pile of papers filled with information.

We left the hospital 36 hours after Gabriel was born, eager to take him home. I was excited to leave; giddy about putting his impossible tiny hospital t-shirt (“I got my first hug at Lakewood hospital”) on his wee body and buckling him into his car seat. We drove the hour home in the sunshine, listening to lullabies.

Being at home with our new baby was wonderful, but the nursing thing was still so painful and I worried. Without a lactation consultant coming by several times a day, I cried to Mike that we should have stayed longer. That I needed help from Penny. That I worried. About how Gabe's shallow latch would destroy my nipples FOREVER. About whether it was a problem that he never wanted to nurse for more than ten minutes, but was usually done after five. About whether I'd ever be able to wear a shirt again. About why the heck it hurt SO MUCH when everyone told me it was painless unless something was wrong.

I felt lost. It was so much more difficult and less intuitive than I expected. And overwhelming! Not only do I have to recover from a super-intense, painful event; I have to learn how to take care of a teeny tiny baby; I also have to learn how to feed a baby with my freaking body!?

I felt so alone and desperately wanted to call one of my aunts and ask them desperately, “Is it supposed to be this hard?” but worried they’d say, “No” and I’d be incredibly discouraged. I wonder if I'd have survived without the internet. Both Twitter and the Mothering.com forum boards were so helpful. I'd be in tears, frustrated and worried and in pain, and lightly say something about how hard nursing is. The responses usually made me burst into tears because they were so sweet. (Also because of The Hormones. Woah.) I'll always remember when Michelle told me that the first few weeks are challenging. And then Sarah said that the first month or two is hardest. First, why had NO ONE else mentioned this when I was planning to breastfeed? Second, A FEW WEEKS!? Seemed like an eternity. But, telling myself that my boobs would eventually stop making me cry gave me hope.

We went to the lactation consultant at the hospital when Gabe was eight days old (they usually do one home visit after the birth - but we lived too far from hospital to get in on that), and she was, again, wonderful. She affirmed us, she settled all of my worries, and even told me I didn't look like I had just had a baby. Good news, all around. I left that office thinking I'd actually be able to stick with this whole breastfeeding thing. I still worried and I was still sore when Gabe latched on for quite a few weeks (though I stopped crying every time he did so after two weeks), but I was encouraged. This will happen. I will be a nursing mom like I'd always wanted.

Remembering those first few weeks is still painful - how much uncertainty and pain I experienced. I've been nursing Gabe for 36 weeks, and I am amazed by that. Amazed because 36 weeks ago, a 'few weeks' sounded like an absolute eternity.

I had everything going for me, and it was still so challenging. I had a vaginal birth (with no epidural); Gabe was born at 40 weeks; I held him immediately after he was born and attempted nursing within an hour; my husband is ridiculously supportive; and my milk started to come in after two days. I have so much respect for women who deal with greater odds and fight like crazy and do ‘crazy’ things in order to make it work; like Tam, whose baby didn't latch on his own for ELEVEN WEEKS. Or Erin, who pumped full-time for TWINS for 6.5 months. I'm not sure I could have been able to fight that hard, wrestling with supplemental nursing systems and hospital-grade breast pumps.

Eight months later, I actually really, really enjoy nursing. I love the convenience, I love the connection I feel to Gabe, and I love the surge of happy hormones that are released when Gabe is nursing. And: I love that I get 500 extra calories a day with which to stuff my body. Sure, I don’t love the pumping when I work (or waking up 4:20 am in order to have time to pump before work when Gabe was two-months-old). And sometimes it’d be nice to spend the night away from Gabe (or maybe not, I am way attached to the kid). And, yes, I am scared for what my body will look like after nursing. But, mostly? I’m thrilled that it worked out for us.

Despite the fact that nursing is ridiculously convenient, I am a total and complete wimp about nursing Gabe in public. I’ve heard quite a few guys I know make comments about being ‘grossed out’ by the idea of breastfeeding; which, of course, makes me totally self-conscious about even nursing with a nursing cover around others. (I don’t understand my own reasoning, you guys. A nursing cover means there is one MORE layer over my boobs than usual.)

I am surrounded by women who nurse wherever they happen to be – talking to their brother, sitting next to their dad, or in a room of toddlers playing. I love seeing moms nurse in public; I think it’s totally badass and not at all inappropriate or weird. But still, I am a wimp. I’ll nurse around my mom, sisters, little kids, and aunts, but anyone else? No way. I’ve nursed in far more bathrooms than I’m comfortable admitting, which wouldn’t be that gross if there were a chair in the bathroom, but sitting on a toilet while feeding your child? Just seems wrong.

I’ve nursed in public twice (not counting a billion times in my car in parking lots): on campus last weekend and while on hike the weekend before. No one came by either time, but I’m still counting it. Baby steps, right? I still felt pretty awesome.

Nursing on a hike. :) Brave, right? Except no one was around.

This weekend we’re going to New York City, and I’m thinking this might be my big debut of actually nursing in public. I mean, I know hardly anyone there. And there are much more interesting things to look at than a mom nursing her baby, right? No one will even notice Wish me luck!

Answering More Questions: On Starbucks Drinks, Teething, and Surprise Babies.

These are only, oh, three months after you asked me these questions. Oops.

How many pumps of syrup are in Starbucks drinks? Someone in line behind me got a 14 pump drink, which seemed crazy...but then I realized I had no idea how much was in mine!

Woah. That *is* crazy. Since I am a total coffee nerd, I made a little chart for Starbucks drinks:

(This doesn't apply to macchiatos - they get one less pump of syrup)

SO, as you can see 14 pumps is A LOT of pumps. If you get, say, an iced venti caramel white chocolate mocha, though, there would be typically six pumps of each white mocha and caramel - which is 12 and almost hits that crazy 14 pump orderer. Almost.

Are you still on board with the baking soda & vinegar hair care routine?

I am! Although about once a month, I do a shampoo wash, mostly just because there is still a bottle in my shower. It's probably a bad idea, since I know the 'no poo'  is all about natural oils and not stripping the oils and all that earth mama jazz. (When you first heard the term 'no poo,' did you also thing it was a movement about not pooping? Or is that just me. Oh. Just me? Okay.)

I know this is a little weird to ask, but was Gabe a "planned" pregnancy? How long were you together before you became pregnant with Gabe?

Not weird at all! (Or maybe I'm the weird one for telling everyone.) I am fairly open about the fact that Gabe was the best surprise we ever got. We were married almost two-and-a-half years when I found out I was pregnant. Gabe was born three weeks after our third anniversary. It was the perfect amount of time for us - we had several years to just be 'us'.  While it was initially a bit of shock (I  actually cried the first few times I told people) (though I blame pregnancy hormones in addition to being happy-slash-scared), there are far worse things than finding out you're expecting a child with your husband of three years.

Has anyone ever recognized you in real life from reading your blog?

Yes! Just a few times and it's the craziest, most awesome thing.  It always throws me off, like What? Me? Is this a joke? I suddenly get nervous for some reason. It's fun. Most recently at a vegan bake sale to raise money for Japan, a lovely gal named Abby recognized me (and knew Gabe's name!). Vegan bake sale? Let's be friends, Abby!

So all that teething stuff you bought for Gabe- what's working out well and what was a bust?

So. Two months ago (Though it was so awful it feels like yesterday. Every time Gabe gets fussy or has trouble sleeping, I get all panicky: 'Teething Round Two is coming! The end is nigh! Run! Run for your lives!"), Gabe cut his first two teeth and it. was. awful. He was grumpy all day and would wake up four times in three hours, screaming. This kid is usually not a scream-waker-upper. He is a lie-quietly-then-yell-when-you-realize-you're-alone-waker-upper. 

After one particularly awful night, I bought a ton of different things in hopes that something anything dear GOD would make it stop. I bought: Sophie the giraffe, a Smart Mom Teething Bling necklace, an amber necklace,  and homeopathic teething drops in addition to infant acetaminophen and ibuprofen. I also got Orajel Naturals for a review program and Hyland's Teething Tablets from Natali.

Nothing was that great. Sophie is a squeaky dog toy that smells like a rubber balloon and costs $20. I wanted to love the amber necklace, but for $25, it didn't seem to do much. The teething bling necklace was probably my favorite since I can still wear it and he loves to chew on it. Most nights, we gave him some ibuprofen, numbed his gums with the Orajel, and popped two Hyland's tablets. The Orajel numbed him quickly, then the ibuprofen gave him a few hours of relief. And the Hyland's tablets were just fun to watch dissolve. Of course, take all of this with a grain of salt, since Gabe only has two teeth. And I hear kids usually get more than that, so we'll be putting these toys to the test once more. Or twice more. But no more than twice more. That's enough teeth for one baby.

And I just wrote three paragraphs about teething merchandise. Oh dear.

[If I didn't answer your question, email me. For real. It was probably just a wee bit too personal to share on the world wide webs, but I am a very open person behind closed door. Or email inbox.)

Having a Baby is JUST SO MUCH FUN.

And I'm not even being sarcastic!

It really is. I mean, our days were awesome before, but they are just filled with So Much More Joy now. And laughter! Oh, the laughter. It's fun, guys.

I was drafting a post about the politics of motherhood, then one about my experience with breastfeeding, then one about my efforts towards minimalism (with photos!) then I stopped and realized I was in no mood to be introspective or even a little bit serious.

Plus, I was gone the whole weekend and I have work tomorrow and I have about a bajillion design projects going on (woo!) - so I'm spending the evening cooking for the week and starting level three instead. (LEVEL THREE AHHHHHH.) (Jillian Michaels tells me those abs don't come for free, you know.) (But I don't have two-thirds of Anita's abs, yet, and I'm not holding my breath for them to emerge in the next ten days.) (The chocolate chips and Chipotle probably aren't helping.)

Instead, I decided to share some of my goofball child in action: 

"Gabe never blinks!"

"He does when I clap my hands. See?"

Blinky McBlinkerson. from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

(Does this count as torture?)

And also, WHAT A CRAZY BABY:

Crazy Gabe from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

(Why, yes, he did face-plant. And then proceeded to do so over and over again.)

He's a little goofball.

My little goofball.

:)

Spring Vacation is Doing Nice Things with Your Grandparents.*

It's spring break.

Well, okay. Maybe winter doesn't know that it's my spring break, but it is.

To be fair, there was this a week ago:



So, we did a lot of this:

My vest is swallowing my face, Mom.

I think I'm finally nesting. Is that possible? It's probably been my most productive period of time in...oh, ever. I am practically giddy about the fact that my apartment is clean and there hasn't been a dirty dish in my sink for a week. And my bathroom counter has been spotless for days. I think I've finally figured out how to keep my apartment clean.  I've finally figured out how to clean as I go. Break. Through. This is big. BIG.

Aside from talking Mike's ear off about minimalism, getting rid of boxes worth of stuff, and reveling in the lack of clutter, we celebrated my grandpa's 71st birthday with pizza and several varieties of cakes, spent time with my sister who was home from college for the week, watched a few episodes of Portlandia, visited my other sister who recently got a job at Chipotle (yum), baked peanut butter brownies (which was more like peanut butter brownie batter...yum), and went up to Cleveland twice (where we went to our favorite coffee shop, restaurant, Trader Joe's, and a friend's - so perfect).

I took Gabe to see my midwife today, which was sort of surreal. When she saw him, she said, "It's you!" which is exactly the way I felt about him when he was born. "It's you! You're the one who was in my body for nine months! Ah-ha!"  When I sat in the chair to get my blood pressure taken (they are going to be my gynecologists now), it was like no time had passed at all. I sat on the exam table, looking at the familiar poster of labor positions and the sign that said, "The best place for a baby to grow is inside of you -- each day counts," where I had spent so much time those last few weeks before Gabe arrived, wondering what my baby would be like, what labor would be like, what being a mother would be like...it was odd to be there with my baby - all of the wondering and uncertainty behind me. 

It was nice to see the midwife, although they all seem to want to talk about when I'll be having a baby next. Heh. I suppose it's the nature of the job?

It has been a wonderful spring break - fulfilling, relaxing, full of family, and of course, these two guys:

Belly button!

* There is a Friends quote appropriate for every occasion. TRUTH.

Six Little Nuggets.

(Including Two Videos. Yes. I have figured out how to get videos from the camera to my computer. Me: 'Hurrah!' You: Groan.)

• Work continues to go smoothly - my favorite part is that my boss lets me set my own schedule. It works nicely, since Mike now has two days during the week with no class,  my mom only needs to watch Gabe once a week. I absolutely love that Mike is getting so much time taking care of Gabe, and think it's adorable that Gabe is so bonded with Mike.

• Life without Twitter has been good - I've cleaned out my closet (I'm sort of doing this challenge) and my email inbox, and we're on a 3-day clean apartment streak (I know, not much. But it's progress). I feel sort of disconnected from some, but I know that spending this time un...or, less-plugged is good for my soul. And my productivity. Though, I still have a million and one things that I'm not caught up on (thank yous from Gabe's baptism, replying to emails, several design projects, Joy Equation, Indie-Business 3.0...which I may have forgot I was doing since I never got an email about it after signing up. Oops.)

• I had the most fabulous day I could imagine. 60 degrees, an early breakfast at a cute cafe (veggie sausage, egg, and cheddar on a bagel) (it's always appropriate to talk about what you've eaten, right?) (Right! Yum.) with Gabe and Mike, baked some Italian bread, enjoyed lots of time (and soup and bread) with my lovely family, went for a sunny walk and heart-to-heart with my aunt, and ended the day at Mass with Gabe.  However, during a trip at Target this afternoon, the conundrum arose: how does one go the bathroom while out in public alone with an infant? Bring him into the stall with me? (I do this at home, but yoga pants are much easier to maneuver one-handed. Not to mention The Looks I'd be sure to get in a public restroom.) Leave him in the cart in the bathroom? Ask a stranger to hold my baby while I pee? I literally thought I was going to burst. I'd typically say to wait until I got home, but I still had an hour of church afterward. Yikes.

• Gabe has mastered the art of scooting backwards. I'll come back into the room to find him backed up under a chair or the couch.  It's adorably hilarious. However, he's beginning to figure out how to scoot forward! It's this cute little push up action, then a little hop-scoot forward. He's even done a baby downward dog a few times. Love. (And evidence:)

Scooting! from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

• I didn't go into much on my blog (or, anywhere, really), but when I was pregnant, we were constantly told things that might be 'wrong' with Gabe. Including: Down syndrome, 'water on the brain,' neural tube defects, and an increased risk of still birth. I brushed most of it off, thinking that the odds were on our side to have a healthy, typical baby...but I still get overwhelmed with gratitude sometimes when I'm holding my perfect, whole little baby in my arms and he smiles up at me with his perfect, sweet smile. We are so lucky.

• Mike and were talking about how much Gabe has grown since he was born, and pulled out a tape measure to compare 'Little Gabe' (19.5 inches) to 'Big Gabe' (27 inches). Then, well...this happened:

Silly Tears. from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

(I'm a cruel mom, aren't I? But it's just. So. Funny.)

Photo Evidence of the Reason I'll Never Get to Sleep Again.

 
Wook!
I have a toof nub!
Two!

Never Say Never (and Completely Unrelated Baby Photos).

Oh, I was so naive.

 

Food-covered baby faces are icky. I won't take photos of it and certainly won't post them on my blog.
 
 I’ll never buy one of those stupid Sophie giraffes. They’re too trendy and overpriced.

Gabe will never, ever sleep in our bed. It’s so dangerous! I don’t want to hurt my baby. Plus, I need my personal space.

Planning outings around the baby’s naps and bedtimes is silly. I’m not going to revolve my life around the baby’s schedule. Babies are resilient and can adjust to ME.

I won’t be the parent that hyper-cautiously makes everyone use hand sanitizer before touching my baby. I don’t want to make people feel like I think they’re germy, diseased creatures. It makes people feel bad.

A gigantic belly, fatigue, and terribly uncomfortable joints didn't derail my being active; a baby surely won't hinder my working out. 

I will never, ever put naked photos of my baby on the internet.

My baby won't go out in public with a crusty nose. It's totally avoidable. Ew.

I won’t tell all of my friends that they need to have babies now just because I have one.

Baby talk is terribly annoying. I'll never talk in a baby voice to my kids. *shudder*

I know how often pregnant women hear about everyone's else experiences with pregnancy,  so I won't subject them to my own ramblings about what my pregnancy was like.
 

TBD:

My child will not have a pacifier in his mouth when he can talk.

I will not be a helicopter parent.

No crying it out; babies cry for a reason.

Video games are stupid.

Mike and I will always be a united front when disciplining our kids. They won't know when we don't agree.

Six Months.

He:

- is eighteen pounds (aka: how much I weighed at one year.)

- is more fun than EVER. He’s always been a happy, giggly baby – but Gabe and I spend 20 minutes some nights, post-PJs and pre-bedtime, just laughing. Airplane, silly faces, and raspberries. I love that boy so much.

- is getting stronger and more mobile: rolling (using his gym to help him) and sitting (only if you give him something to do) and scooting in circles. And when we let him push off against our hands, he scoots towards toys. He’s also gotten up on his hands and knees a few times and has even scooted backwards doing this (much to his chagrin). Mobility is coming. And. I. Am. Scared. I ask Mike daily, “What will we doooo when he can crawl around?” as I eye the piles of folded clean clothes we have yet to put away and the plants on lower shelves.

- is in the throes of teething (I felt the very, very tippy top of a little tooth!), which means he’s had some uncharacteristically fussy days and far too much crying for no reason. Poor little guy.

- was chewing on my sunglasses fervently yesterday, but kept gagging himself with the ear stem, so I took them away. He started gnawing desperately on his car seat buckle.

- is super wiggly and active. It’s like he’s discovered his own power this month and is getting adept at squirming to make diaper changes more difficult and doesn’t really snuggle anymore. Sad face. I read a study that has fetuses that are more active than usual often become babies that are more active than in typical. Considering the ultrasound techs constantly told us how wiggly Gabe was and the fact that my ribs were bruised from his heels, I think we have a wiggler 4 lyfe on our hands. Yikes.

- still has no favorite toys – I hear others talking about their babies’ favorite toys and how they’ve had to buy multiples of those toys for fear of losing them….and Gabe just will play with anything. No special toys – my hand is as interesting as a stacking toy or his raspberry teether. Perhaps it’s because we’re sort of unintentionally doing the whole attachment parenting thing, which supposedly makes attachment to objects less common than attachment to people. Or maybe he’s just still too young.

- is not a champion sleeper at night. He goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:30pm, and wakes up quite a few times during the night before he finally wakes up for the day around 6 and 7:30am.

- naps well during the days, though, with about three naps ranging between 30 minutes and two-and-a-half hours. Most days he’ll give me two two-hour naps and then one 45 minute one. Yes, ‘give me’. Because it’s a gift.

- is a little daredevil already. He gets bored and whines until we start throwing him around or something. His favorite lately is being flipped upside down from airplane super fast. He lives on the edge.

- has started to realize that whining can get him his way. This is dangerous, friends.

- [ETA:] tried his first foods this month. He is very interested in the idea of food (grabbing at our plates, leaning towards our plates or cups with his mouth open), but not always good at eating it. We're opting for him to just eat our foods instead of doing the whole cereal and purees thing. Partly because it's easier and partly because it's supposed to help him be a less picky eater. So far, he's 'tried' naan bread, applesauce, lentil soup, baba ghanoush, strawberries, blueberries, crackers, tofu, tomato, rolls, pea soup, and raw carrots. Not the typical 'first foods,' and we have to watch him closely to make sure he doesn't bit off more than he chew (literally), and lots of these things he's only had a tiny taste of, since he's more interested in food than actually eating it. It's nowhere near supplementing his regular nursing, but it's been fun!

-[ETA:] was baptized on February 27th. :) I'll write an entire post about it soon, but: yay!

I:

- am transitioning easily to work and being gone from Gabe a few more hours each week. It makes it easy that Gabe is spending those hours with Mike or my mom, both of whom absolutely adore him.

- got a picture message of Gabe from my 16-year-old brother on Monday, and found him take care of Gabe when I arrived at my parents. Seeing as how he is pretty anti-baby, it melted my heart just a little. My entire family is getting to spend more time with Gabe, which I love.

- was concerned at first when my milk supply finally evened out this month – after months of being used to having more than enough, I finally have just the right amount for Gabe. It was disconcerting at first and pumping takes longer now, but it’s so, so much more comfortable to go longer without nursing or pumping. Plus, I fit into some tops again. Whee!

- will always treasure the way he looks and feels in my arms after he’s fallen asleep while I rock him. My heart literally flutters, his chubby little hand resting on my chest and his sweet little lips smooshed together. Although I’m not always great at being present, I try to savor these moments.

- do wish Gabe would sleep more during the night, but also appreciate (so much!) those hours I get in the evening after he’s in bed to try and catch up on life. I don’t often succeed, but that is another story.

- found our ‘photo shoot’ this month more difficult due to the combination of squirminess and teething-induced unhappiness.

- am procrastinating moving Gabe out of our room. I just love, love, love having him so close to me. I know he’d likely sleep longer at night if we moved him out, but...but...he loves being near us and we love having him close. Perhaps we will just keep him in there. :)

Practicing his skillz.

My favorite little face.

Eyes on the prize.

Success!

'Dis is my belly.'

Such concentration. :)

My tooooes!

My dear little Gabe,

It has been the greatest honor of my life to be your mom these past six months. I have enjoyed every single minute – even the minutes that involved tears and your famous lip pout. How are you still so lovable even when you're sobbing?

You are truly the sunshine in our days, and you bring us more joy than I could have ever imagined. You were born cute and every morning you wake up, your dad and I tell you that you’ve gotten even cuter since the night before.

I love how quick you are to smile. I love how you excited you are to nurse when I come home from work, chowing down excitedly, then stopping after a minute or two to smile up at me. I love to see you learn and grow each day.

I love the way your arrival has made your father become an even greater man. He is so in love with you, Gabe.

I wake up each day thrilled that I have he sweetest, most adorable baby boy in the world to play with and take care of.

I love you so much.

Answering Questions: Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Mama Edition.

What the biggest challenge you have faced in becoming a mama?

Probably the whole job thing - realizing I couldn't do it and having to quit during maternity leave. That was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had to have. I adored my job and co-workers, and hated to surprise them like that. I know it was the right thing to do, but it was so difficult, especially since I'm a people pleaser.

What are your favorite must-have baby products you have purchased? Any brands/items that you swear by, or are worth the money?!

I haven't actually had to purchase many things myself (thank goodness for hand-me-downs and gifts!) But our favorites are: cloth diapers, Carters and BabyGap clothes, baby wearing devices, SwaddleMe swaddles, a Medela double electric breast pump, and the Arm's Reach mini co-sleeper. 

I've written about cloth diapers before - we use mostly FuzziBunz and prefolds with covers now. I absolutely love prefolds - thanks to a reader who suggested I try them. I get a weird enjoyment in changing the prefolds.

Carters and BabyGap make the cutest baby clothes. Gabe has more clothes than he knows what to do with (I do his laundry every two weeks and his closet is still full), but if I were in the market to buy baby clothes? I'd get Carters and BabyGap. So cute, such quality, and the sizing is accurate.

We have a sling, a wrap, and a backpack-style infant carrier and I love all three. I'm able to cook, clean, and walk with Gabe. It's great!

Gabe was swaddled every night from the day he was born until a few weeks ago. SwaddleMe swaddles worked best for us because of the Velcro - swaddle blankets worked when he was very tiny, as well. Miracle Blankets are okay, but he managed to always bust out. Ninja baby!

Nothing I need to say about the Pump-in-Style except it works fabulously and I love it. (Well, I don't love it, but I tolerate it and it works incredibly well for me.)

Gabe uses this co-sleeper for the first stretch of sleep most every night, and it has been wonderful having him so close to us. If he ends up in bed with me after eating (um, every night), then it provides a nice assurance that he won't fall off the bed.

He also used his swing a lot when he was younger, likes a few toys like this, has an activity gym that he loves, a play mat, and other such baby playthings. We didn't buy any of these until after he was born - it's a trial and error of what works for us and our baby, you know?

What is one thing that surprised you about pregnancy? Most people I talk to always have a story about something nobody had ever "warned" them about!

Um, since these is a family-friendly blog, I can't say what *really* surprised me most about it (email me to ask!), but probably the whole heartburn thing. I was unprepared to have to stop eating by 7pm every night in order to be able to go to sleep without insane amounts of heartburn. I downed tons of Pepcid and even got sick from heartburn one night. Yuck. Oh, and the sleeplessness. OH! The sleeplessness. I slept better with a newborn than I did pregnant. Miserable. Oh, and the whole after-birth healing process. Lots of ouchies I didn't expect.

Did you ever fear you wouldn't love being a mom? My husband and I are going to try to get pregnant soon, and I worry that the sleepless nights, fights, exhaustion, etc. will be too much and I will blame the baby...thoughts?

I definitely didn't approach having a tiny baby with rose-colored glasses; I expected it to be hard, hard, HARD. Much like you, I expected sleep deprivation to be just about the worst EVER. In fact, towards the end of my pregnancy, while most women are complaining about feeling huge and just wanting to be done, I'd tell everyone, "I know having a tiny baby won't be easy, so I'm in no rush!"

I was scared of never having time to myself again. I was scared my relationship with Mike would be more difficult. I was scared I'd be a miserable zombie.

Honestly, though? For me, I had a fairly easy transition to motherhood, aside from the usual stuff at first - pain from birth, figuring out breastfeeding, and fearing that everything possible might be wrong with this tiny little human that you're suddenly responsible for. (And you find yourself Googling questions about a 4-day-old's poop color. Yay for the internet.)

I got in bed at 9 every night, and got out at 9 every morning - figuring that 12 hours in bed with a newborn eating every few hours equaled about eight hours of sleep. I napped a bit, but really sleep hasn't been a problem. I eventually learned to nurse lying down in the dark, and stopped sitting up using the Boppy and changing his diaper at night. It made night feedings much quicker and I hardly wake up. You just figure out what works for you and your family.

Most of the time, I look at Gabe and could never be mad at him. I think the hormones are responsible for that. There are a few times where I'm more of the, "Gabe! Go to sleep! Oh my gosh!" mindset and if I lose my patience, I hand him to Mike. And vice versa. Thank goodness for husbands, am I right?

I was actually most afraid of losing myself when I became a mother - not caring about other things or being able to talk about other things. I really didn't want to alienate non-parents with my incessant parent-talk. Thankfully, that (mostly) hasn't happened.

Good luck! :) It's an awesome, awesome ride. I promise.

What would you do differently in mommyland, now that you've had a few months of experience?

Not worry about what Gabe is or isn't doing, milestone-wise. It doesn't mean he's smart if he's doing it ahead of schedule, and it doesn't mean he's intellectually compromised if he's behind schedule. Not worry so much about how 'they' say not to do, if it makes sense to me. Figure out how to make more friends with babies! And keep in touch better with all my awesome non-baby friends (or convince them to have babies. *cough*KatieandStephen*cough*).

Just wondering if you would recommend any particular book or website that you found helpful during your pregnancy.

I didn't read about my pregnancy as much as I read about birth. Probably more than is normal. My favorites were: The Birth Book by Dr. Sears, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, and Birthing from Within (a bit hokey, but good pain-management practices). Mike also read Husband-Coached Childbirth. I know some may roll their eyes, saying you don't need to prepare for childbirth, it just happens and you have no control. That birth plans are silly. That there's no need in overthinking things.

But I cannot say enough about the books I read in preparation for Gabe's birth. I do not exaggerate when I say they changed my life. I became more of an advocate for myself and my child, I started to look more critically at things, and I gained confidence in my abilities.

Aside from the typical Baby Center emails that I poured over each week, I read, and loved, the weekly online pregnancy calendar Zero to Forty, written by the fabulous and hilarious Amalah. 

How much did having Gabe cost, including what your insurance company covered? I have universal health care so am curious!

Prenatal care: $3,831.00, of which we paid $616.93 (midwife care is cheaper than OB care, woo!) (This doesn't include a few extra ultrasounds and non-stress tests that I took before I opted out - with a copay of $40 per weekly test.)

Birth stuff: $10,012.65, of which insurance paid $7,769.85 and we paid $1,072.80. (The remaining $1,170 was billed to insurance...which I assume means they paid it? It's all a bit confusing.) Plus, a $230 hearing test in the hospital, of which we paid $31.40. The hospital bill included $3,200 for labor and delivery, $2,474 for 'room and board' for one night, $29.35 for Motrin I took every 6 hours, $627.00 for 'supplies' like mesh panties for me and diapers for Gabe, and $67.00 for lab work. I had a normal, uncomplicated, unmedicated birth and we left 36 hours after Gabe was born. So, this is pretty much the cheapest hospital births can come!

(We also paid $150 for a 12-week childbirth class and $35 for a breastfeeding class - both great investments!)

Hi there! Thanks for an awesome blog :) I was just curious (and I know you've addressed this before) about how you budgeted etc to plan for Gabe's arrival. Its so confusing knowing where to start and how much baby related things cost!

Hi! Thanks. :) Oh, budgets. Yes, yes. They are important. About a year ago, I wrote a post with lots of details about how we spend (and save!) our money. Anticipating the arrival of Gabe, we were able to save $10,000 last year. A pretty big feat since that's more than a quarter of our combined income. (Whenever I feel poor, I remind myself that the average household income in the US is just above $50,000. So, we're not that far off. Anyway.) We generally tend to live fairly simple, but I also keep track of our spending with Mint and PearBudget. Some months I'm quite vigilant with this, and other months I just keep a lose watch on things.

As far as how much baby things cost, I think it's more about how much you want to spend. I've written before about how we keep things simple (and cheap!) when it comes to Gabe. We've spent less than $200 on things for Gabe. (Not counting maternity clothes. How sad is that?) We are lucky in that my mom watches Gabe for free (only for his first year, next year we have to figure out how we're going to pay for child care...let's not talk about it right now), which is a huge relief on our wallet. Many couples I know are in a financial position to spend hundreds on the nursery, hundreds on a 'travel system,' and hundreds on a crib. We just didn't want to, and were lucky to have family and friends who hooked us up with hundreds of dollars worth of hand-me-downs. Some may shudder at the thought of used baby things, but not us!

Got a question for me? Ask away!

A Letter to Myself, Revisited.

Six months ago, I wrote a letter to myself. Six months later, I'm going revisit that letter and grade myself on how I am keeping my advice to myself. 

(This feels terrible navel-gazing-ish. More so than usual. But, a few people mentioned they'd like to read an update on that whole parenthood thing and the letter. And so, here I am. Looking at my belly button.)

Spend time with Mike: A-

Well, we spend LOTS and LOTS of time together, since we're so, so blessed to both work outside of the home for only 20 hours a week. (His assistantship is teaching, so he gets to work from home quite a bit.) For the first three months, we spent almost all of our time with Gabe. Now that he has a (fairly) strict 7 pm bedtime and several long naps a day, we have afternoons and evenings to ourselves to hang out, chat, eat popcorn, watch movies, and snuggle. It's wonderful. Of course, we often spend these evenings doing our own thing - me on my computer designing and wasting my time doing important things on the internet while Mike does schoolwork. We've done a good job of not only talking about Gabe during our alone time, but our conversations are always peppered with a good bit of non sequitur gushing about how darn cute he is. We will be talking about foreign policy or religion or crazy customers at Starbucks, and sigh out of nowhere, "Gabe is so freaking cute!" We discuss Gabe's personality and our parenting philosophies. I show him photos I'm editing of Gabe and Mike imitates Gabe's funny movements (lately, shoving his hands in our mouth).  We are a couple that cares about other Important Things, but we are also parents that absolutely, deeply, and unwaveringly adore our son. 

Though we have less time that we spend alone as a couple, Gabe feels like an extension of us (which he totally is, I suppose) and I actually love being all together and don't crave date nights alone (yet!). 

Don’t worry so much: B

During pregnancy, I tended to worry less instead of worry more. I didn't want to be the pregnant lady who went to the hospital twelve times in false labor while nurses rolled their eyes. Even though there is an emphasis on all that can be WRONG (with good reason, it's important to catch the True Bad Things early), I knew that odds were I wasn't going to experience the Bad Things, so I didn't worry. (Except, oh, that time there was the possibility Gabe the Fetus had Down syndrome. Yeah, I worried. A lot.) 

Parenting has been largely the same, but lately, I've felt that annoying sense of worry creep up. Should he be sleeping longer at night? Will breaking him of his swaddling habit be torturous? Is it okay that he's doing X? Not doing Y? Normal parent stuff, I'm sure. But, still, I hate worrying. Down with the worrying! (I've also had to ban myself from reading about sick or dying babies. It's just bad for my soul. Why didn't anyone tell me being a parent was this vulnerable?)

Talk about things other than your baby: B-

Something as monumental and life-changing as becoming a parent obviously changes things. I underestimated (here's where all the moms in the audience nod and a knowing smile spreads across their face) the extent to which I would want to talk about being a parent with others. To process it. To learn about myself and my child and my husband from it. Although I often talk about other, non-Gabe things to Mike and my co-workers, I know I am all Gabe/pregnancy/babies/parenting, all the time for many people. Namely, the Internets. 

(Hi, Internet. I do care about other stuff. I promise I'll talk about it soon. Like, when Gabe is three.)

Learn about things other than your baby: B+

So, we've watched approximately 3 million documentaries since Gabe was born. Or, okay, maybe two dozen. Either way, I'm a learning machine. I still listen to some podcasts, but not nearly the rate I was before, with two hours of driving a day. *shudder*  I'm not really reading as much as I'd like to...or at all, really. Aside from silly parenting magazines and far too many tweets. Let's work on that, self.

Record it all, but don’t spend so much time capturing that you forget to experience it: A

I find myself torn when Gabe is being absolutely adorable (all the time, natch) - I want to soak it all up and remember everything. I want to remember the way his eyelashes stick together and the water beads on his red little cheeks after he gets out of the bath. I want to remember how he giggles excitedly to himself before he starts to eat. I want to remember his little shark wiggle when he latches on. I want to remember the way he looks in his little puffy vest. I want to remember the way it feels when his soft, chubby little fingers wrap around mine. I want to remember how he laughs when I pretend to eat those little fingers.

I want to remember it all. And I get a bit weepy when I start to think about him not being so, well, little. Sometimes, I grab my camera or my phone and snap a photo, hoping that will etch it in my memory forever. Mostly, though, I try to just savor it.

(I know I spend too much time on my iPod while I'm rocking him to sleep; hanging out on my computer while he's playing. I don't want to forget anything and I don't want to regret anything.)

Spend time with you: A-

Yeah. Not so much with the time alone, but I'm definitely spending time doing what I want to do. (Like, this. Hi, blog. I love you.) I've gone out to lunch with friends alone a few times, I'm taking on all kinds of design jobs (new website!), I'm currently completing the Joy Equation, and I've signed up for Indie Business 3.0, which starts next month. These are all about me as a person, not just me as a mother (though, the two are beautifully, inextricably intertwined, of course). 

I'm happy to find that I still am me, despite how much my world has been shaken and I have been changed by the arrival of this tiny little person we call Gabe.

Five Months.

He:

- weighs 17.25 pounds, which seems like a lot since he was born at 6 lbs 13 oz.

- is starting to act like he's going to roll from his back to his front. Which will cramp our stick-him-on-the-couch-while-we-make-coffee style.

- is able to entertain himself for about 30 minutes at a time, (which is wonderful for me!) with toys. He plays with toys! I still can't get over it.

- loves the hand-me-down walker. (Yes, we have a walker. I know, I know. Unsafe blah blah blah. But we have no stairs and he can't even make it move on our carpet, so it's basically an exersaucer thingamabob.)

- hates lying down and prefers to stand, or sit, if he must.

- is almost done with the pacifier (yipee!), but hasn't shown much interest in sucking on his thumb. Ah, well. 

- is on the verge of growing out of his 3-6 month clothing and size 2 diapers. WHAT.

- napping a bit more regularly and for long periods during the day. Mostly one-two hour naps. SUCH a relief after months of all 20-30 minute naps.

- nurses like a champ, and often. He prefers to forgo the bottle when I'm at work for a few hours and then nurses like a madman (madbaby?) when I come home. It's sort of cute.

- doesn't sleep through the night, although that is everyone's favorite question. I'm fine with it and will not be crying it out anytime soon. Thanks for the suggestion, though. ;)

- is getting STRONG. He's got the cobra pose down, yo. 

- decidedly has his father's toes. 

- is one happy little baby.

- prefers us and our apartment to strangers and new places. Our little homebody. (Though, he'll smile and charm away if we're holding him. Like, at church. He's always looking around, all smiley-like, "Hey, everyone! Look at me! Aren't I cute? Pay attention! But, DON'T HOLD ME, YOU CREEP.")

- loves rattles and other noisy things. 

- has his tongue sticking out 90% of the time.

- has his first iPod app. Oh, to be a baby in 2011.

I:

- am two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight! It's taken a little while to get here (and almost no commitment on my end. And some chocolate chip cookies and toasted almond frozen yogurt. I have no regrets. Stop judging me.).

- wish nursing tanks came in petite sizes. All of my look like maternity shirts.

- have started working out again, but have put my running plans on hold for now. I'm happily using the elliptical and walking on the treadmill while Gabe plays beside me on the floor and I take full advantage of the cable in the exercise room. 

- have packed up three boxes of Gabe's outgrown clothing and find myself both sad and dreaming of being able to use them someday again, which surprises and scares me.

- miss yoga.

- hate buying batteries, so all of the toys we have sound like drunken, warbling birds. It's creepy.

- am still struggling with having a messy apartment, unfinished projects, unanswered emails, and not enough time to bake constantly. Babies take a lot of time. Who'd've thought?

- adore my son and feel like I know him better each and every day.

- am lucky to have a husband who actually does half of the parenting and domestic-y things. Yay for not living in 1950!

I like to chew on stuff now.

Baby barista!

The curly eyelashes every girl dreams of. :)

Yo!

Little puppy boy.

Yep. I'm that mom. Nekkid baby photo!

Looong, curvy toes. No more cute baby toes. Boo.

The baptism outfit that wasn't. Sadly, I don't think this will fit in 4 weeks. Maybe if I don't feed him? :)

Little reader. :)

Time with Daddy in the morn.

Walker, Texas Baby.

That is one awesome potbelly.

Big eyes.

Dang, I love him.

More. +